Pain is inevitable

Suffering is optional.

Or so they say (ouch)... and so I choose time after time to drag myself into a state of suffering. Suffering (or agony really...ouch) that is so strong at the moment, and that comes back the next day to fill me with regret. Needless to say... I am happy to announce I might be turning into a masochist. My abs are so sore it hurts to laugh, with every step I take I feel knives piercing the back of my calves, typing hurts (ouch) bcuz my shoulders feel like they are pinned as if I was a puppet... I cant believe I pay for this! But hey... all for the pursuit of beauty! (ouch)

I was at the gym today, and for some reason I was in considerably more pain than usual... I felt this sharp sharp pain on my side. I felt my face so hot I was sure I was going into combustion. I wasnt sweating much (thank god) but thats when I realized how truly pathetic I must look to other people. (Not that I didnt know before, but today I must have looked worse than usual.) I have heard I am the most expressive person in the world... the sounds I make (yes, I do make sounds at the gym... my p.t. thinks Im weird too)... the faces I make (i might even pull a muscle there too)... I am usually really bad about hiding my emotions / thoughts / feelings. And everything about me today must have shown how much pain my whole body was in.

But dont think I quit! No no no! I still did my 45 minutes of killer cardio. Because whats worse than feeling all that aichy burning body pain? Getting on the treadmill last and leaving first! Thats the thing with the gym... I cant help but believe that the ppl next to me laugh at how pathetic I must look. Or they just feel good being better than me. So I suck it up and keep running... but today I felt like dying! So I sure wish I had burned more than the stupid 400 calories the machine told me I shed. Shouldnt this whole gym thing get easier as I go??? Why am I more and more sore??
And no matter how sore I am.. I still look fat!!!!!!!!! NOO, you know what!?!... what really drives me crazy is that everytime I get there they scan my gym card and smilling say "Enjoy your workout!"
YEAH RIGHT!

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From Scrubs...
Dr. Cox: The key to my exercise program is this one simple truth: I hate my body.
Turk: What?
Dr. Cox: Do you understand the second you look in the mirror and you're happy with what you see, baby, you just lost the battle.
Turk: You should give speeches to teenage girls.