target: i love thee

Target is my therapy. And from what I am learning, I am not alone.

For some reason this week Target has come up at least twice a day on my work conversations. It has really gotten me thinking about the stores... Personally, I love Target. And it seems that many many other women do so as well. You may think that love is a strong word to describe how one feels for a store... especially a large retailer that basically copy/pastes its stores all across the country.
But the truth is... Target makes me (and many other women) happy. Which is more than I can say for most men out there!

One day I saw this case study on Target, and one of the interviews that was highlighted was this woman who said 'I used to shop here maybe twice a month, but since I got divorced I come here at least once a week.' When you think about it, that may seem like a random change in habits... but when asked the woman said that 'Target is the only place I feel normal. When Im at church or at work or with friends, I feel like I am a divorcee or I remember my situation... but when Im at Target it goes away. I feel like a normal person and it makes me happy'.

So this week I was talking to someone at work on how I had to stop going there because every trip ends up with over 100$ off my bank account... and of course, they agreed that the same happened to them. In talking we discovered that secretly, Target is our little 'dirty' secret... that there are days when you are feeling down, or sad, or blah, or angry, or upset... and somehow, something inside of you just says 'Go to Target' and you do... and it all gets better.

I havent been sad, or angry or upset or blah... but Im already looking forward to going in on Saturday just to walk the isles - to see what they have, new things to discover! A whole hour will be lost and I wont even notice it...

A cool exercise... if you Google search 'I love Target' you get 55,300,000 pages. That is more than twice as many pages as 'Britney Spears' (and you can imagine how many pages are on that!)... its more than 5 times the number of pages for Angelina Jolie and more than 20 times more pages than 'I hate Walmart'...

Off to dream about circles and reds...

Pree

PS: Cool video I saw at work today...

wanting to be wrong

I dont want to write it because 'of the power of the word' as my mom would call it. But I have this bad feeling... let's just pray that Im totally wrong.

thanksgiving 2.0

I was never a big fan of Thanksgiving. See, Im not American and where I come from we didnt have pilgrims and all that jazz... (we had slaves and Jesuits that forced natives to convert but we shall not discuss that). See, for me thanksgiving has always been at the bottom of my I-cant-wait-for-this-holiday list. It was always just a couple of extra days to help my mom clean the house... all it gave me were some clorox smelling hands and tons of dishes to wash. When I was in college, it was reason to drive for 10 hours or get caught up on house chores (especially the annual and much needed bathroom cleaning day). The only thing that seemed nice was that it appeared to be a breath of 'fresh air' but really it was the moment where it hit you that you were goming back to classes to earn the last 65% of your grade in 3 weeks time. Always looked like it would be good but in the end just disappointed me.

This year it was much better... I got to watch tv for hours... eat fabulous food... have the most useless conversations... and catch up on sleep!

So I got thinking about my previous bleak perspective and I tried to figure out what all the hype was about. Turkey is good and all, but it sure doesnt make me jump with joy. After about 45 seconds of thinking I realized that I had it all wrong! Isnt thanksgiving really about crazy shopping, eat til you die and TV marathons? Since that is so... I now love to observe the holiday. Thanksgiving has officially been upgraded to my number 2 preferred holiday... just behind xmas (seeing that I actually things I want instead of having to pay for them).

I know Im a disgrace to this 'very important american tradition' but I dont really think I will be tested on this when I take my citizenship test next month. Unless of course, they are watching... but you could say I have bigger issues than disgracing thanksgiving.

Pree


PS: Favorite quote from the weekend...

Me: 'His job is to please me!'
Point Dexter: 'As opposed to pleasure you...?'
Me: 'Well.. actually I wouldnt mind that!'

He really is better than superman

As expected of a long weekend football just goes on forever... no idea what was up with Tennessee and Kentucky but once they were done playing and we got to watch some good looking players, the beer warmed up in my tummy and made me feel that much better. Below is a Pree version of Sports Center...

'Oh he is hot... rewind! rewind!'

'You cant have him... he impregnated me already'
'So... you are done and used. Now I get to have him'
'I thought you wanted Tebow'
'I will have him after I have Tebow'

'Tebow is a good boy... He is probably a virgin. All religious and stuff. '
'He wont be after Im done with him'

TV: 'He is the QB you most want your daughter to marry'
'Dude, he'll destroy your daughter'
'Hell, I sure wouldnt mind that!'

'With 250 lbs of sheer muscle behind that pipe, size wouldnt even matter'
'Bring it on.. Im open for business'

'Most of them dont really have an ass do they...'
'Even the ones who do, its just padding'
'That explains why they grab each others ass so much'
' 'oh dude, just checking if your padding is still there. Can you feel it?' '
'Seriously, check out how much they grab each otehrs ass. Its not even a slap... its a grab!'

TV: 'We've run out of superlatives' (speaking of Tebow)

'Whats up with Christian boys?'
'I dont know.. but they are hot!'
'I bet you its just a facade'

My favorite... 'Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas'

GO GATORS!!!!!!!!

costing me a fortune

i procrastinated and procrastinated on getting plane tickets for christmas and new years... and now that i finally have 'plans' plane tickets are going to cost me over 800 bucks! And the only one that will cost on the 600$ range requires me to get on a plane at 00:45AM 01/01/2008. HELL NO! There is no way Im starting my year in a plane... this past year and a half has been enough. I quit looking this crap up...
Im gonna go enjoy my buzz, the lovely smell of "rose tobacco" and pass out asleep...
pree

Consciously Incompetent

Work has been not too great. This week I wondered twice how could I have possibly been hired if all I do is mess up. My self-esteem is down in the gutter. People said I did good this week, but I dont believe them... on my opinion they were just feeling bad for getting angry at me so many times. When things were hectic they were all quick to tell me how I should have done this or that differently. I overheard some of my team partners say that all I do is sit on my ass and hence mess up all our timelines. The amount of stress I felt this week I havent felt in at least a year. I worked every hour that I wasn't asleep and that still wasnt enough for me not to mess up a billion times. We worked 12+ hour days everyday, shared every meal together and the only privacy I had was the 3 hours I was working in my room before I passed out asleep. The week is over but honestly, its going to get worse before it gets better...

I went out last night drinking because I had to let loose somehow... but it turns out my friends are all stressed about work too. So we drink and we bitch about work... on how great it is, on how we know it will be better, on how we know it will be okay and how tomorrow isnt coming soon enough! So I stress about it some more... and then when I finally get home, to my space, my bed, my time... I dream about work! I wake up at 8am freaking out that I overslept and how I cant be late. I go back to sleep just to dream of how I didnt do things right this last week.

I knew it was going to be bad. I've always known that the transition to work wasnt supposed to be easy... Ive always known that working here would stretch me and stretch me and when I thought I would break they would stretch me some more. I always knew Id have too much responsibility with too little experience. They email me once a week to remind me that I should be feeling miserable right now. BUT I also have always been 'above average' and so many things that should be tough I usually do okay with. Not this time!

Although Ive felt all this stress I never thought Id be fired. But my manager sure made me worry when she said 'You must be stressed now... I remember when I used to think that I could get fired at any moment. Dont worry, it passes.' GREAT! Should I have been worried about getting fired too? I wasnt before... I dont think I will but maybe I should be worried about that?

So I sit here, wanting someone to talk to so that I can fill my head with something other than to-do lists... My dinner plans should help, but its still 6 hours away...

I just need to hold tight and plow through. It will eventually get better (at least I hope).
Pree

ho ho ho no more

I know Santa wont be visiting me this year... not because I was naughty (which I wasnt really), but because Im getting a lil too old for Santa... but I shall make my wish list anyways, just in case Santa wants to prove me wrong. Or in case I encounter some fabulous sale!

1) Norah Jones CD Not Too Late (Come Away With Me and Feels Like Home are okay too since I dont have every song downloaded)
2) A coffee Table
3) A cuddle buddy
4) 10 pounds off and some good muscles on
5) Someone to take my 'Goodwill' corner away
6) Some yummy bottles of wine
7) Meet the Robinsons DVD
8) 'Gift card' for iTunes
9) An idea for cool bday getaway (suggestions???)

Off to pack for Chicago... again...
Pree


PS: really in a norah mood today... so in honor here is my favorite of hers...

pseudo-what?

As I sat here thinking on past relationships and many guy friends Ive had I realized that I sure tend to have pseudos. I thought it was just me, but apparently a pseudo-gf/bf is pretty common. I found a great post from a blog I read that captures the essence of the 'pseudo'. See an abbreviated version below:

If you're like me, you've been in this situation. You're single (or not). You know a guy who's single (or not). You're not dating each other, but you hang out an awful lot, even doing "couple-ish" stuff like movies and dinner. Other people think you ARE dating. The parents wish you two were together. In fact, you may have feelings for this man - or vice versa. But heck, you really aren't sure because things are rather ambiguous between the two of you.
Yes, I am talking about the PSEUDO-BOYFRIEND. I think about how much time I've spent one on one with guys I considered friends, and how some of those situations crossed the line. We were essentially using each other to fill that void of not having somebody in our lives (or they are not near by). Our outings were really dates in everything but name. One way to test if you've got a pseudo-boyfriend is this... Think about what you do with this person. Would you be hanging out with them and doing the same things if you had a REAL boyfriend? If the answer is no, chances are, you've become a pseudo-girlfriend.
I'm rather tired of being a pseudo-girlfriend. Being the movie date, taking them shopping, folding their laundry, helping them study, cooking for them, running errands and doing favors. It's like being in a relationship minus all the frosting. No stability, no kissing, no sex, no flowers, no hope for anything else. Thanks for nothing! Don't get me wrong. I love my guy friends, and I love BEING a friend. But noone deserves being taken advantage of. (full version here)

I know Ive been guilty of being someone's pseudo and having a pseudo. Even when I had a boyfriend. For the right there and then it seems great; but long term its a disfavor to myself or to whoever I was really dating.

to separate the good boys from the bad

Ive been 'officially' single for a little while now... 4 and a half months or so. I'd like to say I am pretty proud of where Ive been for the last 2 months. Yes there are days that I havent been the best about 'single life' but God knows it took work to get here. I am determined to stay single until the right person shows. If they do, great.. if they dont, I will wait. In talking to Slippers the other day, she questioned and probed this position... I also talked to GG about it... between the two of them, I got thinking that I should put on paper what someone has to have for me to even consider giving them my time (beyond free dinners...).

* No long distance
* Must like cuddling and hanging out in bed on Sunday mornings
* Has to be funny
* Must be overtly flirtatious (just average doesnt do it for me)
* Has to stay up with me when I have nightmares
* Have a decent sense of style (no Mr. Metrosexual, but some common sense)
* Have great conversations(deep, meaningfull, thought-provocking)
* Have 4+ hour long conversations
* Be able to goof around with me
* Make me feel sexy
* Feel priviledged to be with me
* Respect me no matter what
* Be secure in himself
* Stand with me 'when it rains'
* Go to church with me
* Talk about God with me
* Make me laugh
* Show me everyday that he cares
* Treat me to special surprises
* Love to watch movies together (especially romantic comedies)
* Push me to be my best
* Bring out the best in me
* Want to travel the world
* Make me happy
* Make me feel comfortable opening up about anything/everything
* Be patient with me
* Tell me truths that most people wont / be harsh if necessary
* Challenge me
* Have a desire to be(come) his best self
* Fight with me (explosivelly at times)
* Strong enough to fight for us
* Do anything/everything if i really need him
* Be there without me asking him to
* Be comfortable in silence together
* Support me in what is important to me
* Be committed to making us work
* Be honest and open
* Be confident enough to admit weaknesses
* Be a little jealous (bcuz its makes me feel wanted) but not be insensible about it (bcuz its a turn off)
* Be affectionate without excessive groping... Has to: kiss me on the forehead, kiss me on the cheek, hold my hand when we drive, hold me by the hips , squeeze my ass when kiss passionately, smack my ass jokingly,...
* Above average endowment
* Be open to new 'ideas'
* Passion about something. (other than drinking or smoking)... sports, music, arts preferred
* Age range: 22-29
* No couch potato (can enjoy the couch, but no couch potato)
* has Cool friends
* Good relationship with his mother
* Has to like kids (especially more than I do... thats not that hard!)
* Has to enjoy taking pictures/being photographed and nice to have is be photogenic
* Unlimited but controbllable libido
* Be a democrat (or at least a liberal conservative)

At Sasquash's request... some other requirements are:
* at the very least have college degree and high LSAT scores,
* must type at least 60 words a minute
* has a car with four wheels that are not donuts/power windows/heater
* not living with his mother (preferrably alone... i.e. not with another woman)
* no hairy backs (ewww)
* < 30% bodyfat, good teeth (one snaggle tooth at most)
* culturally diverse (understand that US isnt the best place on earth no questions asked)
* no B.O. is a must
* must not dominate with the door open,
* Must agree that the University of Florida is Gville but the GatorNation is everywhere
* More than 150 friends on facebook


I tried to be reasonable with the list... really! I might come back and sort of it by 'must have' and 'nice to have' but we all know that when there is chemistry, its hard to stick by rules. Did I miss any rules?

damn hormones!

ive been thinking the unthinkable....

Surving Work: Part 1

I love my job. I whine a lot about the amount of hours Ive been working, but all in all I enjoy my job so much I wouldnt change it for anything else. However... not all is happy and dandy, otherwise they wouldnt have to pay me as much as they do. So I figured Id give you a little glimpse into the work-related random thoughts that have been running in my mind today...

* The woman in the cube next to mine gets to work at 5:15 AM. How does that qualify as work/life balance?
* I got out of work today and it was dark... I feel I might become a person I dont want to be.
* Ive been dreaming about meetings a few times a week. Its starting to get out of hand.
* I cant believe I was so excited to buy a week of vacation for next year.
* My manager has 9 days left of vacation til the end of the year, but they'll probably go to waste bcuz she cant be away from the office that much. How sad is that?
* Training u'd think they wouldnt need to offer...
- How to get along/work with your coworkers (today was the 3rd time since August I got training on this)
- Unspoken rules (read = politics at work)
* Speaking of politics... it would be nice to get rid of the politics so I can actually get work done!
* My manager is so busy I have to come in at 7am for us to actually have uninterrupted meetings.
* When you have 'mandatory' full-day team building within 10 days of each other, you know something is terribly wrong... or noone is really into working.

I have so much work stuff to write about... but I gotta get in at 7ish tomorrow, so I better hit the bed. More to come soon Im sure, bcuz I cant hold in all these thoughts on: my manager, my mentor, my coworkers, the politics, the 'team building', my personal 'development'...

this is the job I always dreamt of, it just looked different in my dream...

Pree

random thoughts

Random thoughts and recent occurances...

Because apparently I have nothing better to do with my life today I was killing my time on facebook... in one of the useless groups Im a member of, the wall posting recommended you 'stereotype' the person who had posted last. So I did... I saw this 'nice' guy and said 'he is always in the just friends zone'. What else was I supposed to guess from just his profile picture! The guy messaged me back being all upset... it must have been true I guess.
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My personal trainer quit... needless to say Im not happy about that. I did take the opportunity to suggest that now its kosher for us to grab a beer together... no official response yet... Im not even interested that way but w/e, we'll see...
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Tomorrow is 8-5:30 mandatory team offsite... because apparently the 20+ hours we already stare at each other in meetings wasnt enough time together.
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I went to SWE National Conference last weekend and let me tell you... it deserves a whole post about it. But for now I will say that my heart is slightly broken...
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Hung out with the ex today... was really fun... we might be able to do the whole friend thing after all. Just gotta work out some quirks.
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Going to Chicago for the weekend... what? you are surprised? Dont you know that after this psychotic work week, a 6 hour drive is just what the doctor ordered? Pray for me... I already got pulled over this morning!

And on that note... packing time...

Pree