I believe that one of the most hurtful things one can do is ignore someone else. Although noone wants to be disliked, or mad at, even if it seems negative it still means they are important enough for you to acknowledge their existence, but when you ignore someone it turns them into something insignificant. And we all know we all crave and hunger to be wanted, needed and loved. See, Im not THAT mean. But then what do i do? Oh Priscila... where is all this going? As usual my rambling goes no where... im frustrated at this.
As I mentioned the other day, Ive been trying not to think of a friend. But its his birthday today... I should call him, text him or in some way, shape or form acknowledge his existence; and yet, I just dont know if I should... See, through his actions he has made it clear that I mean nothing to him so why bother. I could be a silly girl and rationalize myself out of this and make excuses for him - "he is afraid ill be mad" or "he is too proud to say sorry". But why make excuses for a grown man? 'I should be the bigger person' you'll say... but what do I have to win? I dont know... it is true that what I get from him I dont get from anyone else (so far)... but I dont know if its worth it anymore. Our relationship has almost always been about me trying, working and leaving wanting.
So to call or not to call, that is my question...
What kills me, is that Im not surprised all this happen.
Torn - Pree.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
speechless
after you've been around the block a few times, you think you've seen it all. Then you learn something different... and all of a sudden, six months seem like it is just too far away. So to entertain myself, Im looking at fun travel spots and procrastinating at getting work done.
happy sunday :o)
PS: Gorgeous flower I saw at the flower show.
happy sunday :o)
PS: Gorgeous flower I saw at the flower show.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
bcuz sleeping in is overrated?
It is 6AM on a Saturday morning, why would I be sitting here blogging you may ask me... oh! See thats what I ask myself too. Between not much sleep, too much work and some frustration I got home yesterday at 5 (yup, got home at 5) showered and decided to lay down for a "few" minutes. It is now Saturday early morning... I slept 12 hours straight. Its a blessing! Its a curse too seeing that tonight ill get tired super early...but at least I get a chance to catch you up on some of my life seeing that the rest of the world is rightly asleep.
Big things first, I had my six month review at work this week; no big surprises. Went pretty smooth even though I was sure one of my managers was going to be in a crappy mood but he wasnt. The main thing I apparently need to work on is 'business maturity'. What the heck is that?! They gave me examples, and went around in circles reminding me that I should still bring myself to work... cant they just say XYZ you do sucks, change it? No... they have all this p.c. and flowery discussion so I have to sit here and try to figure out what they mean by it bcuz for sure my review in July will involve improvement in that area. There I go missing R again, he is the only person I can think of that would talk to me about how I can be successful at work.
On another work note, the next 2 months are going to be a total and utter bitch. Between all the research and travel I'll have to do, and all the stress that everyone else is going to be under, life isnt going to be fun. I already know my weekends will be owned. Im planning on starting going in at 7 so I can actually leave at a decent hour. I should get a damn raise if I make it through the next few months... perk? I may be going to the UK on their dollar AND I can extend and make a vacation out of it too :o) dying to see Spain.
Now on to the personal life... or whatever of it I still have left. Happy because its summer; Im gonna eat more veggies and fruits and grill outside and have lots of after work happy hours. I am looking forward to summer day trips and white water rafting. All the great festivals will arive and I will be happy too.
Love life, seems to be going in the positive direction (which is a tad scary) and Im gonna make the most of it. Its making me laugh and smile (and be unproductive at work) and brings all that non-necessary stress that I bring to my life. But its fun!
But friends, that department isnt doing so well for a little while now.... it turns out Fourth of July plans are shot! Can you believe that? Its our ONE tradition and we arent doing it? :o( Its karma for me skipping last year. Things with 58 are pretty darn good, Sasquash and I are getting farther apart and its freaking me out, MRX and I are actually real friends which is amazing, Slippers and I havent really talked in almost a month... friends here in Cinci are okay - that same old struggle, I try and try but it seems the kind of friends I want is not the ones they tend to be, so Im learning to deal with that. Strawberry is the only one I can really count on, and even she I havent been seeing much. Cant have it all I guess.
Anyways... off I go have some breakfast and a good read of my new book...
Pree
Big things first, I had my six month review at work this week; no big surprises. Went pretty smooth even though I was sure one of my managers was going to be in a crappy mood but he wasnt. The main thing I apparently need to work on is 'business maturity'. What the heck is that?! They gave me examples, and went around in circles reminding me that I should still bring myself to work... cant they just say XYZ you do sucks, change it? No... they have all this p.c. and flowery discussion so I have to sit here and try to figure out what they mean by it bcuz for sure my review in July will involve improvement in that area. There I go missing R again, he is the only person I can think of that would talk to me about how I can be successful at work.
On another work note, the next 2 months are going to be a total and utter bitch. Between all the research and travel I'll have to do, and all the stress that everyone else is going to be under, life isnt going to be fun. I already know my weekends will be owned. Im planning on starting going in at 7 so I can actually leave at a decent hour. I should get a damn raise if I make it through the next few months... perk? I may be going to the UK on their dollar AND I can extend and make a vacation out of it too :o) dying to see Spain.
Now on to the personal life... or whatever of it I still have left. Happy because its summer; Im gonna eat more veggies and fruits and grill outside and have lots of after work happy hours. I am looking forward to summer day trips and white water rafting. All the great festivals will arive and I will be happy too.
Love life, seems to be going in the positive direction (which is a tad scary) and Im gonna make the most of it. Its making me laugh and smile (and be unproductive at work) and brings all that non-necessary stress that I bring to my life. But its fun!
But friends, that department isnt doing so well for a little while now.... it turns out Fourth of July plans are shot! Can you believe that? Its our ONE tradition and we arent doing it? :o( Its karma for me skipping last year. Things with 58 are pretty darn good, Sasquash and I are getting farther apart and its freaking me out, MRX and I are actually real friends which is amazing, Slippers and I havent really talked in almost a month... friends here in Cinci are okay - that same old struggle, I try and try but it seems the kind of friends I want is not the ones they tend to be, so Im learning to deal with that. Strawberry is the only one I can really count on, and even she I havent been seeing much. Cant have it all I guess.
Anyways... off I go have some breakfast and a good read of my new book...
Pree
Sunday, April 20, 2008
commitment-phobic?
I know Ive been absent for a little while, but forgive me for having a life... okay, maybe I dont have one but let's indulge me can we?! Today we can talk about, 1) my fabulous new haircut 2) my current luv-life situation 3) my lack of sex 4) work/weather/other boring topic.
I sure could talk about topic 3 quite a bit, but instead of sitting here and feeling sorry for myself, why dont we talk about topic 2 - much more entertaining.
Anyways... since we last talked about this I've had quite some attention on the guy department. Between random texts/calls from ex's, facebook msgs and Mr. Engineer giving away that he is wayyyyy too into me, Ive had some ego-boosting moments. As I had promised I went out with Mr. Engineer again. Surprise, surprise, we had dinner. Decent place, again he spent quite a bit. The date was totally uneventful... the only things worth mentioning are: he is so NOT as attractive as I thought he was, he didnt dress to impress (and he didnt) and I told him I was out of town this weekend so I wouldnt have to deal with him asking me out.
Friday night I saw the flower guy (and got more flowers!) - It was a 7 hr 'date', dinner with 12 of his friends and then my first bonfire! It was a really good time, but stirred up thoughts in my head. Dont get too excited, I dont have the balls to type those thoughts just yet. Let's just say that as the mysteriousness unveils I have to remind myself to not overthink and overanalyze things as I am so prone to. So Saturday night, I hung out with flower guy again (9 hr 'date')... I know! I know! Dont lecture me, I know I shouldnt see him so often (and for so long). But who am I to follow dating rules? Im not as confident of how well this would turn out so maybe I should try to stick to at least some rules... uh..nah!
Well, so Saturday we had this very awkward moment where I was talking to this woman at the Cinci Flower show, and when he approaches me she says 'oh so you are the boyfr-' at which point we both tell her that no, no, not boyfriend. Certainly not boyfriend. (hell just the thought gives me the creeps!) But not to worry, like smart people we just ignored the moment... until silly him brought it up a few hours later!!! But it is okay... I think we are both in a space that says 'here just for fun'.
Seeing that we just started seeing each other and have an agreement that we date other people, I wont pull out the criteria list for comparison yet. Or get my hopes up for that matter, after all it is life and it all could go to shit next week.
Damn, I sound so bitter... Am I becoming commitment-phobic? Maybe just enjoying life as it comes... we'll see.
Ta-ta for now!
pree
I sure could talk about topic 3 quite a bit, but instead of sitting here and feeling sorry for myself, why dont we talk about topic 2 - much more entertaining.
Anyways... since we last talked about this I've had quite some attention on the guy department. Between random texts/calls from ex's, facebook msgs and Mr. Engineer giving away that he is wayyyyy too into me, Ive had some ego-boosting moments. As I had promised I went out with Mr. Engineer again. Surprise, surprise, we had dinner. Decent place, again he spent quite a bit. The date was totally uneventful... the only things worth mentioning are: he is so NOT as attractive as I thought he was, he didnt dress to impress (and he didnt) and I told him I was out of town this weekend so I wouldnt have to deal with him asking me out.
Friday night I saw the flower guy (and got more flowers!) - It was a 7 hr 'date', dinner with 12 of his friends and then my first bonfire! It was a really good time, but stirred up thoughts in my head. Dont get too excited, I dont have the balls to type those thoughts just yet. Let's just say that as the mysteriousness unveils I have to remind myself to not overthink and overanalyze things as I am so prone to. So Saturday night, I hung out with flower guy again (9 hr 'date')... I know! I know! Dont lecture me, I know I shouldnt see him so often (and for so long). But who am I to follow dating rules? Im not as confident of how well this would turn out so maybe I should try to stick to at least some rules... uh..nah!
Well, so Saturday we had this very awkward moment where I was talking to this woman at the Cinci Flower show, and when he approaches me she says 'oh so you are the boyfr-' at which point we both tell her that no, no, not boyfriend. Certainly not boyfriend. (hell just the thought gives me the creeps!) But not to worry, like smart people we just ignored the moment... until silly him brought it up a few hours later!!! But it is okay... I think we are both in a space that says 'here just for fun'.
Seeing that we just started seeing each other and have an agreement that we date other people, I wont pull out the criteria list for comparison yet. Or get my hopes up for that matter, after all it is life and it all could go to shit next week.
Damn, I sound so bitter... Am I becoming commitment-phobic? Maybe just enjoying life as it comes... we'll see.
Ta-ta for now!
pree
Monday, April 14, 2008
boring family update
I talked to my mom yesterday... one of those 'we both know you are moving back home' type of conversations. 'In 5 or 6 years you will long for home; because here is where your roots are and you will come home'. I couldnt disagree more... I think only a terminal illness would have me move back (and God forbid that ever happens). How can she think my roots are there? I left Brazil I was a little girl; I know noone, my portuguese sucks, and did I mention Ive lived more out of brazil than in brazil? Not much to hold on to...
In better news, my sister just got to Germany yesterday. She will be studying there for the next month or so... Im so jealous! I should have studied abroad in college. Anywyas, we got to talk for a long time and I got to see her as well (yay for Skype).
More 'good' news, my dad had surgery and it went well. :o)
Now off to the gym, just wanted to say hi!
Pree
PS: YAY FOR LEAVING WORK BEFORE 5 TODAY!!!!!!
In better news, my sister just got to Germany yesterday. She will be studying there for the next month or so... Im so jealous! I should have studied abroad in college. Anywyas, we got to talk for a long time and I got to see her as well (yay for Skype).
More 'good' news, my dad had surgery and it went well. :o)
Now off to the gym, just wanted to say hi!
Pree
PS: YAY FOR LEAVING WORK BEFORE 5 TODAY!!!!!!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
possible connondrum approaching
Warning.. blogging while tipsy....
Hello! Hello! I just got home from a 'date'... dont judge me, it wasnt with the flower guy; we will call this one Mr. Engineer. On paper he is kinda really good looking, hell in person he is really good looking... chemistry? A little but not much... why did I go on a date with him given my past posts about the flower guy? Well, bcuz I feel I should. For my sake, and for flower guy's sake. This guy was nice... funny, smart, dorky, cute smile... but something about him said 'here i am, come to me if you like' and I wasnt all into running into his arms.... somehow I didnt feel that 'magnetic' attraction.. like i said, he seems to have a lot going for him but i just didnt feel much... We just went for drinks (for which he paid quite a bit for)
to make a long story short, I dont know if i wasnt bananas about this guy bcuz he wasnt great, or i kinda really do like the flower guy or if i just wanted things to go poorly so that i didnt have to deal with the idea of the flower guy not being all that great.
I dont know..., all I know is that yeah, I had a good time... but damn, I can barely wait to see the flower guy this week. i just never thought that these 'free dinners' would turn into more...
will keep you posted
Hello! Hello! I just got home from a 'date'... dont judge me, it wasnt with the flower guy; we will call this one Mr. Engineer. On paper he is kinda really good looking, hell in person he is really good looking... chemistry? A little but not much... why did I go on a date with him given my past posts about the flower guy? Well, bcuz I feel I should. For my sake, and for flower guy's sake. This guy was nice... funny, smart, dorky, cute smile... but something about him said 'here i am, come to me if you like' and I wasnt all into running into his arms.... somehow I didnt feel that 'magnetic' attraction.. like i said, he seems to have a lot going for him but i just didnt feel much... We just went for drinks (for which he paid quite a bit for)
to make a long story short, I dont know if i wasnt bananas about this guy bcuz he wasnt great, or i kinda really do like the flower guy or if i just wanted things to go poorly so that i didnt have to deal with the idea of the flower guy not being all that great.
I dont know..., all I know is that yeah, I had a good time... but damn, I can barely wait to see the flower guy this week. i just never thought that these 'free dinners' would turn into more...
will keep you posted
Saturday, April 12, 2008
'holidays' just bring back memories
Today is the Orange and Blue game... Im not there to watch, or to tailgate, or to cheer with Mr. 2Bits... but I cant help but remember that I spent the last two with you and how much fun it was. You hurt me a lot; I haven't thought about you in the last couple of months... but today I miss you and it reminds me of how angry you've made me. You are not worth me thinking about.
heartbreaker? nah
'So you've figured me out uh?'
'I think so...'
'Tell me more.'
'I think you are a heartbreaker.'
'What?! Why would you think so?!'
'I dont know, dont worry about it.'
Oh boy! I hope I dont loose this one just yet... I think some guys Ive dated have indeed gotten their heart broken but I wouldnt call myself a heartbreaker. See, its not that hard... stick to who you are, dont constantly bend over backwards for me, and keep me challenged... otherwise things get sower and I get labeled the 'b*tch'... for waht? knwoing what I want?
Hell, after half of the things I said today he might not want to hang out with me again :o/ I gotta remember to tone myself down just a little bit...
Anyways... beautiful flowers from my date today :o) oh they are soooo me!!! So me! How did he know I am not crazy about roses and such?! Well, brownie points...
I think Im starting to like this guy a little more than I had planned...
not good.... will keep you posted.
Pree
PS: Favorite quote of the nite? 'Im parched'
'I think so...'
'Tell me more.'
'I think you are a heartbreaker.'
'What?! Why would you think so?!'
'I dont know, dont worry about it.'
Oh boy! I hope I dont loose this one just yet... I think some guys Ive dated have indeed gotten their heart broken but I wouldnt call myself a heartbreaker. See, its not that hard... stick to who you are, dont constantly bend over backwards for me, and keep me challenged... otherwise things get sower and I get labeled the 'b*tch'... for waht? knwoing what I want?
Hell, after half of the things I said today he might not want to hang out with me again :o/ I gotta remember to tone myself down just a little bit...
Anyways... beautiful flowers from my date today :o) oh they are soooo me!!! So me! How did he know I am not crazy about roses and such?! Well, brownie points...
I think Im starting to like this guy a little more than I had planned...
not good.... will keep you posted.
Pree
PS: Favorite quote of the nite? 'Im parched'
Thursday, April 10, 2008
when the clock strikes midnight
yay for surprises... and good night kisses :o)
kinda nervous. kinda excited. not going to overthink any of this.
Pree
kinda nervous. kinda excited. not going to overthink any of this.
Pree
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
prince in shinning armor NOT
Outrageous. Funny. Ridiculous. Conceded. You pick the adjective. I tell the story.
Yesterday I am stuck in traffic next to this guy. Eventually he waves to me and I realize that I know him from work. He is new to the city and we just met for the first time a few weeks ago. Recognizing him (and because its habit) I wave back.
A little later, he texts me... we exchange a few messages about 'stalking' each other. Nothing special. In one of the msgs I say 'Maybe if I stalk u later this wk we can get together smtime'.
Anywyas... today he msgs me at work in the end of the day. He wants to know where I sit. He walks to my desk and leave to the parking lot together. We say goodbye and split up... or so i thought! Once I get to my car, I turn around and there he is behind me. (okay.....) He shows me his phone, my text and he tells me 'We need to talk about this. This is awkward. I have a girlfriend'. Then a discombobulated conversation followed where I say he misunderstood, and that I just suggested we hang out (seeing that we are both new to the city). He tells me how my msg was weird, my response? Im glad you mentioned it because I would have never noticed what that he interpreted I wanted to have his babies and it would be awkward if we didnt straighten things out... not for me, seeing that I was oblivous to his STUPID misterpretation. Apologies followed. I told him not to worry bcuz now I know not to invite him anywhere again. He didn't like that I said that. So I said ball is in his camp - and am seriously deleting his number.
Now... how high is this guy up on his horse to think, to consider, to ASSUME that I was interested in him??? Really dude? Really? No offense but even if I got paid to I wouldnt date you. And the way he approached it?!? He could have asked what I mean or something... anything would be better than the way he did it.
Dont get me wrong... I date out of my league. But I wouldnt even consider you! Especially now that you've proven to think WAYYY to highly of yourself.
Pree
Yesterday I am stuck in traffic next to this guy. Eventually he waves to me and I realize that I know him from work. He is new to the city and we just met for the first time a few weeks ago. Recognizing him (and because its habit) I wave back.
A little later, he texts me... we exchange a few messages about 'stalking' each other. Nothing special. In one of the msgs I say 'Maybe if I stalk u later this wk we can get together smtime'.
Anywyas... today he msgs me at work in the end of the day. He wants to know where I sit. He walks to my desk and leave to the parking lot together. We say goodbye and split up... or so i thought! Once I get to my car, I turn around and there he is behind me. (okay.....) He shows me his phone, my text and he tells me 'We need to talk about this. This is awkward. I have a girlfriend'. Then a discombobulated conversation followed where I say he misunderstood, and that I just suggested we hang out (seeing that we are both new to the city). He tells me how my msg was weird, my response? Im glad you mentioned it because I would have never noticed what that he interpreted I wanted to have his babies and it would be awkward if we didnt straighten things out... not for me, seeing that I was oblivous to his STUPID misterpretation. Apologies followed. I told him not to worry bcuz now I know not to invite him anywhere again. He didn't like that I said that. So I said ball is in his camp - and am seriously deleting his number.
Now... how high is this guy up on his horse to think, to consider, to ASSUME that I was interested in him??? Really dude? Really? No offense but even if I got paid to I wouldnt date you. And the way he approached it?!? He could have asked what I mean or something... anything would be better than the way he did it.
Dont get me wrong... I date out of my league. But I wouldnt even consider you! Especially now that you've proven to think WAYYY to highly of yourself.
Pree
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Dance Party Fridays
Found this in a website I read... I think you'll love it!
--------
If you’re ever awake at 5:45 am on Fridays, watching the Channel 12 traffic report - and if you’re like me, you aren’t - then you may have already seen this.
If it’s Friday, and there are no major accidents, the 5:45 am traffic report on Fridays is Dance Party Friday.
Spotted in this eyar’s CityBeat Best of Cincinnati issue under Best Fender-Bender in Funkytown, it’s always nice to see people in the public eye who have a sense of humor. There’s plenty more Dance Party Friday videos on their YouTube channel.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
what a date!
There are dates, and then there are Dates... I just got home from the latter :o)
I woke up this morning to find the following email in my inbox: 'Hey Cutie! If you let me (and have the evening free), Id like to make up for beating you at bowling the other night! I have something cool in mind for tonight, if you'll indulge me! Let me know if you're game and I'll set the plans. I'll pick you at 6:30PM.'
It was a nice email to start the long day... I obviously agreed! I didnt find out where we were going until we were on our way (performing arts center), and didnt find out what we were watching
(Golden Dragon Chinese Acrobat show) until we were there. I have to say I am totally and utterly impressed! It was an amazing surprise! Just earlier this week I was going through some email and saw an 'ad' for the Acrobat Show and was thinking that it would have been nice to go but it was probably too late to get tickets...
The show was amazing, dinner afterwards was lots of fun, the ride back was filled with interesting conversation... now I get to lay in bed and hear the rain hitting my window putting me to sleep...
For someone who didnt want to get out of bed this morning, the day (and night) turned out great!
Pree
I woke up this morning to find the following email in my inbox: 'Hey Cutie! If you let me (and have the evening free), Id like to make up for beating you at bowling the other night! I have something cool in mind for tonight, if you'll indulge me! Let me know if you're game and I'll set the plans. I'll pick you at 6:30PM.'
It was a nice email to start the long day... I obviously agreed! I didnt find out where we were going until we were on our way (performing arts center), and didnt find out what we were watching
(Golden Dragon Chinese Acrobat show) until we were there. I have to say I am totally and utterly impressed! It was an amazing surprise! Just earlier this week I was going through some email and saw an 'ad' for the Acrobat Show and was thinking that it would have been nice to go but it was probably too late to get tickets...The show was amazing, dinner afterwards was lots of fun, the ride back was filled with interesting conversation... now I get to lay in bed and hear the rain hitting my window putting me to sleep...
For someone who didnt want to get out of bed this morning, the day (and night) turned out great!
Pree
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
random thoughts
- i think my gyno lives in my building. Kinda not important, but kinda weird!!! As I was walking to my car this morning I saw him, and did a double take! How weird! I know he is not thinking of my unmentionables (at least i hope he is not) but its kinda weird...
- i got a present today! true i got it myself, but it was so nice to come home and find my usps sitting at my door!!!
- i got dave mathew concert tickets last weekend. I sit on the fence on dave, but everyone says he is so great in concert. Today I found out his concerts at river bend used to suck a few years because of some issues he had with River bend... bummer! Couldnt I have heard this a week before... it better be good.
- work is kicking my butt... im drinking and drinking this wknd.
pree
- i got a present today! true i got it myself, but it was so nice to come home and find my usps sitting at my door!!!
- i got dave mathew concert tickets last weekend. I sit on the fence on dave, but everyone says he is so great in concert. Today I found out his concerts at river bend used to suck a few years because of some issues he had with River bend... bummer! Couldnt I have heard this a week before... it better be good.
- work is kicking my butt... im drinking and drinking this wknd.
pree
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
