hooked on TED

if only an 8 ball could give me the right answer

I always thought it took a while for people to change, but maybe I was wrong. I have been completely certain that the bf was the one for me, but he has changed so much this last few weeks that now Im not sure. It is not that he is a different person - not at all. The issue is that he is a different boyfriend.

Things had been a little rocky since I moved away but I thought it was getting better. I saw him last week for a few days and it was amazing as always, we talked and we both thought it was just 'growing pains'. We said we were going to try things differently and find a way to make it work. Fast forward 2 days and we are 'fighting' about the same things again. (I put fight in quotations bcuz with him its never a fight. its just this upset/disappointed/sad feeling that tears us inside no actual anger).

We both say we love each other but I think we mean different things. To me it means Im going to try my best to make this work. But I read into what he says or doesnt say and I dont know that he is trying the best he can. I hear doubt in his voice, I feel him holding back, and even when he talks he gives me excuses - no straight answers. I dont even know to what extent I should really believe his excuses. Yes, there are a lot of things going on in his life right now but for how long will they last? How often will this happen? Are the excuses even real or is he just hidding behind them?!?!

I dont know if he is scared of getting hurt, if he doesnt want this anymore or what is going on. Either of those options break my heart. I dont know that he understands how much he is pushing me away. I am a fighter, but I've learned the hard way that I should not fight for someone if they wont fight for me. So what should I do? Do I fight to keep us strong until he is ready to do the same? Do I give him an ultimatum? Do I walk away from it all together? Do I just give it time and see what happens? What should I do???????????

pree

who took my cheese? seriously!?

This week I brought some yogurt, cereal and string cheese to work. I promptly ate my yogurt but left a few sticks of string cheese in the communal refrigerator - with my name written in permanent marker partially bcz i didnt want anyone taking it and partially bcuz there is a note on the refrigerator door that tells you to put your name on things. Long story short, I opened the refrigerator drawer only to find that SOMEONE TOOK MY CHEESE!

ok, I understand the economy sucks and that people are cutting spending but but who took my cheese?!?!? It even had SpongeBob trivia on it... i was sad not to get to eat my cheese.

On top of it, it was my 2 year anniversary with the company! Great present =o/

thoughts on MBA: part 2

Some of the thoughts that crossed my mind...

- I need to write a list to start tracking potential team mates. on one side: "HELL YEAH!" on the other: "PLEASE NO"
- I totally get the whole "ppl need to shut up so others can talk" thing. I am starting to hold back bcuz I really like hearing other ppl.. often more than hearing myself! amazing how much u can learn.
- Do people really not know how to use excel?
- Do the readings matter? or not?
- This is really your first time buying a laptop? wow!
- i forgot that i kinda like school (as in classes)

now, back to work =P
pree

2 weeks down, a bunch more to go...

I've been here for 2 weeks. Time for status update on the love life.

I was pretty confident before I came down that bf&pree would still be crazy enamorated regardless of distance. But now im not sure whats going to happen to my relationship. A couple of nights ago for the first time ever I thought that maybe the bf and I wouldnt really work out. It was such an empty feeling (and yet familiar). Some of these thoughts I am too embarassed to tell him, but I need to let them out somewhere or they will just simmer in my head. So this is my venue of choice...

"Honestly the bf needs to get his butt in gear. Is my will power enough for the 2 of us? Does he want this relationship to work? How is he showing that? This is the time to track him - where do I draw the line between 'benefit of the doubt' and 'no way Jose'? What is he giving/sacrificing? Does he have to sacrifice? Do I want him to sacrifice for me/us? No. Absolutely not.

I just want my needs met - I need to feel loved, feel secure, confident that he is committed to me and us! That is just so selfish. But you know I do deserve someone who will pamper me. Now I get a feeling he doesnt do that. So what does he do for us? Lately whatever he is doing is not meeting my expectations. We will have to have a heart 2 heart on the subject.

Maybe Im too honest, maybe Im too oepn, but you know if I say to win me you need A+B+C, if you dont at least give that tactic a shot then you are telling me Im not worth you. And I AM WORTH IT my friends! I am!

Okay, get off the high horse priscila. go to sleep."

alright, its bed time.
pree

thoughts on first day of MBA

1. Class breakdown: 80% men, 20% women. Feels like engineering school and NOTHING like work.
2. People seem to fall in 2 extremes of the travel spectrum: one group is from here and has always been here, and the other seem to be running away from something they've been to so many places
3. Taking responsibility for my own learning is going to be hard
4. Just like in Ohio, EVERYONE is married and love their kids (whether offspring or dogs)
5. It seems they are expecting us to hit rock bottom at some point and will need their help to come crawling out
6. I gotta stop psyching myself out for nothing!!
7. Personal life. Good bye.
8. Wow... Im actually going to learn something that will be applicable to work. Thank God!
9. I gotta learn to speed read or I'll never make it...
10. Engineers are SO stuck in their own world. "Hi. My name is xyz and I did in undergrad". Guess what half our class doesnt understand what that means!

Off to class...
Pree

"What's Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type?"

Result from Facebook app. I didnt want to add the application to my profile so just pasting results here...

ENFJ (Extraversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Judgment)

You are warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. You are highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. You find potential in everyone, and want to help others fulfill their potential. You may act as a catalyst for individual and group growth. You are loyal, and are responsive to praise and criticism. You are sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership. Famous people with your same ENFJ personality include: Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, Dick Van Dyke, Diane Sawyer, Peyton Manning, Pete Sampras, Johnny Depp, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

first day - mixed feelings

Almost in front of my house there is this really tall radio/tv tower that you can see from at least a mile when you turn into my street. I saw that tower on my way home today and I couldnt be happier... but that last mile never seemed to end.. I just wanted to be home so badly. Today was my first day, and almost the whole time I wanted it to be over already.

So my day wasnt terrible, but it sure wasnt 'great'. I was looking for a nice starting week - get settled in, set up my desk, have my onboarding meetings, have some training. Instead, I was running from meeting to meeting trying to prepare for this 'BIG meeting' tomorrow - almost didnt have lunch. So yeah, I know I have no right to complain but I wish I had come home from work and felt 'awesome' which didnt happen. Lets see how tomorrow goes.

I really need to start preparing myself mentally for THE curve (click for picture). If I can prevent what I felt back in 2007 in any way, I sure want to.

On happier news, movie night tomorrow night!

tata for now,
pree

back again

Big life changes are happening... I get a sense my emotions will be in a roller coaster ride for the next 6 months at least. Im hoping this can be a place where I can reflect on this "thing" I got myself into.

The 30 sec update on my life so we all know where things are:
- I just moved from Cincinnati to Fayetteville, AR for a new assignment for work. I requested the assignment. This should only last about 2 years then I go back to Cinci.
- The bf and I are still together so going to give long distance a shot.
- I bought a house :o) today is my first night sleeping in the new house.
- Im going to get my MBA while Im in NWA (northwest arkansas).

How am I doing/feeling? Too many words to describe... excited about this great career building opportunity, eager to explore a new part of the country, hopeful about the learning experiences, anxious about making new friends, afraid of the long distance. And yet, it hasnt "hit me" yet.

More to write later. Going to finish clearing out the bed and then its off to sleep as I go into work for the 'first' time tomorrow.

Wish me luck!