"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." Bernice Reagon
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Darwin
I know I am not the only person to have recently experienced drastic change. I've been talking to other who have too and there are things I saw in common... I see a sense of fear, of confusion, of doubt... I personally questioned many of my priorities in life.. I questioned 'Who Am I??' and most discomforting of all whether I had ever known the answer to that "Who Am I" question... but today, talking to a close friend who is going through something similar I understood why we go through this. Here is what I learned these last few months:
Drastic change is so hard to go through - so easy for me to stand on the other end and reflect upon it -- but so hard to muddle through the fear, discomfort, uncertainty and keep your head held high. Unless you've gone through it you dont understand it - at all! So before I tell you waht I learned, I want you to understand what it feels like.
The easiest way I can explain it involves the ocean...
have you ever been to the beach, playing on the waves? trying to ride a surf board? You fantasize about it before you do it, you watch everyone having fun doing it, it seems so easy and so smooth... you see how great it will be and you want it!
But when you try it yourself, you get caught by surprise. Somehow you get man-handled by the waves... the force of the waves going in opposite directions knocks you down and the water takes you away, the waves shake you upside down, bring you against the bottom of the ocean and they scratch you against the sand - like a sandboard. The whole time you are swallowing water, gasping for air without knowing which way is up, burning your eyes with salt... you wonder why you ever stepped into the water, what you were thinking... every second feels like an eternity, and you dont have any idea when it will all be over... you have no breath, no control, no more strength... only to be left at the shore chocking, with half your bathing suit missing and wondering what just happened to you. THAT is the closest I can describe the feelings. So... all change is challenging; some change happens to us(outside of our control) while other change is lead by us (within our control and often driven by our choice). No matter if you have control of it or not, change is still tough and it hurts. When you make the choice to change your life drastically, you make that choice based on what you know about yourself at a given moment in time (while you see all the surfers enjoying themselves). But you dont know what it will be like to go through the change until you are knee deep in it (and eating pounds of sand)... by that point it feels so unconfortable, it is so different than what you had expected it to be, it feels so "wrong" that you start to question your choice... after all, it seems you got into all this discomfort by yourself. You do not see the end of the tunnel. Without having confirmation that you made the right choice you start to question your decisions, you question your judgement, and soon enough you start questioning yourself. 'Who am I?', "What kind of choices do I make?", "How could I have been so wrong", etc... We get stuck and we forget its temporary, we dont know it will get better, we can't catch a breath and there is no knowing which way is up.
It feels terrible while you are in it... but next time it happens you are better about it.. you learn to stand up right away instead of being dragged under by the waves... the surprises dont happen as often and you start to get comfortable. Without noticing it soon enough you too make it look effortless along with everyone else.
Waves can be many things in our life... there is always a chance for something massive to take you down and mess with you.. leave you gasping for air... it is not just relocating from one city to another (like me and a lot of people I know have done)... change happens in all aspects of our lives and in different intensity. But change is always tough and it happens to all of us. We get better at it... with time, with practice, with maturity...
Some people seem to reach out for change... as if we enjoyed this terrible manhandling by the ocean (masochits perhaps!)... I personally believe we see surfers and imagine how great it must be to ride the wave, to feel the wind on your face, so we jump in... not knowing how tough and mean the ocean can be, how you have to earn your stripes before you can ride... so here is my 'kuddos' to you change seekers... I admire you, I salute you, I congratulate you for having the strength in you to make it through... whatever moves you inside, harness it because life can change in a moments notice and keep practicing so when it changes on you, you are ready! When the wave crashes, you wont be dragged through the sand. You will stand and stay strong.
and if it does take us down... i hope we remember that its only for a little while, and riding in the sun with the wind in your face is worth it...
sweet and wonderful dreams,
pree
~~~~more quotations i like to reflect on ~~~
"All serious daring starts from within." Harriet Beecher Stowe
"In life it is more necessary to lose than to gain. A seed will only germinate if it dies' Boris Pasternak, Russian Writer
"In the end, the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself" - 'The Weepies'
"The greatest test of courage on the earth is to bear defeat without losing heart." R. G. Ingersoll
