Murphys Law at work

Anything that could possibly go wrong, did... no, not true. I have no doubt that things can get worse, they can always get worse. But seriously, I have been 'in transit' for the last NINE hours.

It all began with some 'hightened' security in the CVG airport because of a threat earlier on Tuesday. Going through Security Clearance was harder than getting an appointment at the gyno (which has a 3 month lead time), and let me tell you it was almost as bad.

Flight was delayed slightly, connecting flight in Detroit was delayed slightly.... we get on the plane, it pushes off, we head to the runway but suddenly the pilot turns off the engines. We waited for 20 minutes for take off clearance from Chicago. Yes, we couldnt leave Detroit because Chicago said they had too many planes flying in and we had to be bumped to later. After waiting the 20 minutes, they make us wait another 25, then we finally take off.

Im glad I didnt eat at the airport, because if I had the passengers around me would have gotten a good look at my dinner. The flight was SO bumpy that I actually pulled out the little vomit bag (just in case). We approach Chicago but the pilot tells us we have to circle around for 20 minutes because we are on queue.

When its finally our turn, the pilot starts his crazy descent... the plane is shaking up and down, to the sides, completely out of control. I look out the window and see nothing but white (and some shining lights). Im exhausted... the wheels are lowered, we are getting close, we are finally in Chicago! But wait... the plane kicks up and starts going higher. It retracts the wheels... Im angry that we are going to spin around waiting some more but the pilot comes on and says "Sorry folks, as you can see we didnt land. We lost stability around 6 miles away and with the storm couldnt regain it. Also, visibility right now is zero. We dont have enough fuel to keep on circling and waiting for the storm, so we are going to Minneapolis."

After the additional 50 minute bumpy ride, we arrive to a windy city and NEGATIVE FOURTEEN degrees (without windchill factor). We get off... I am wearing clothes for 35 degrees (not -14). Tired, angry, cold... I receive a voucher for hotel, dinner and a rescheduled flight. The icing on the cake... I am also not allowed to get my suitcase.

So here I am... too angry to sleep, sitting (and sleeping) on the same clothes Ive worn almost all day.

The hotel... a Days Inn. It doesnt even begin to compare to the W in Downtown Chicago which is where I should have been.
The dinner... its a 13$ voucher, that is only accepted by this obscure place near the hotel that is taking 45 minutes to deliver. Watch out with the feast now, dont go spending the whole 13$ at once.
And now... for my rescheduled flight... according to the airline I wont be arriving in Chicago til noon tomorrow. So the plan is to wake up in 4.5 hours (at 5 AM Central) and go wait at the airport on a wait list for every flight that leaves before mine.

All this crap makes me feel that much more alone... call me drama-queen, but it feels like shit when all this crap happens and I get to sit in this old hotel, have noone to report my 'arrival' to and have no voicemails...

You can never deny Murphy's law. If something can go wrong... it will.

silence

i dont write to have traffic through my page. i dont write to put on a front. i dont write so that you'll read (as a matter of fact, im surprised any time anyone says they read any of this). i dont write for you, or for others or to document my life. i write for me, because it helps me think of what i feel, what i believe and what i want. i write because sometimes the silence feels like its giong to kill me and talking aloud to myself doesnt make me feel better.

but i started writing today and realized that i am cheating myself... because there are things that i want to write (today and other days), and i dont. sometimes i dont write things because putting it 'on paper' makes it real. sometimes i dont because i just dont know what i really think. sometimes i dont because it makes me cry too much. but i really cheat myself when i dont write because of you... sometimes i dont write things because it is just a small part of me and you may read it and make it out to be the whole me. sometimes i dont want to because im afraid if you read it, you wont bother to ask me how im doing. sometimes i write in hopes you'd read, but in the end i know u dont.

tonight silence may be cheating but it is my best bet.

pree

ps: its going to be a lonely week

couldnt hav been better if i had planned

So last night I planned on laying on my couch and stuffing my face... but somehow around 10.30PM those plans changed a bit... its 4PM, and I just got home! Not quite sure when or how I fell asleep, but it had be around 5 and it definitely wasnt in my bed.
So much for not having weekend plans... but damn, sure started it with a bang!

pree

deep breath, deep breath

The phone hasnt rang much lately... but the last few times it did, I rather it just hadn't... maybe its this whole 'jan 24 is the most depressing day of the year' story I heard...

First, I got a call late last night that totally bummed me out. Now basically my Chicago and Matchbox Twenty plans are down the freaking drain! I was all excited about going to the concert and hanging out with Pie... now he is not going... a job interview or something. Which leaves me potentially alone for the wknd in frigid Chicago and going to the concert by myself. (see, I got my plane ticket with my work travel...)

Second call... Sasquatch is having a really crappy time. I was out at dinner and ignored a few of his calls, and when I did get to talk to him it broke my heart that I wasnt there for him the moment he called... after I left dinner we did talk for a while but it kills me to hear him be upset... some stuff has been happening but I think today was really the last draw and he was defitinely shaken up (not that anyone other than me gets to see that side of him so its good i use my alias). I miss him so much.

In other news... i had lunch with this guy from work (let's call him Chief) and we had tons of non work things to talk about... it was really fun. Im excited about making more friends outside of the circle I have right now.

(total tangent.... Candidate interview and panel tomorrow... woohoo, i get to see the scared and nervous 'kids' trying to get an offer... i remember those days... )

Now back to your regular programming: for the first time in the last god knows how many months its Thursday night (almost Friday) and I still have no weekend plans... crazy! suggestions?

gnite, bed time...

Pree

if i were 125 yrs old i would too

Its Ohio, its ABSOLUTELY freezing outside and somehow yesterday night my power went out... just my luck really, to wake up exhausted, realize there is no electricity and have to go find the circuit breaker. Good think I knew where it was in the basement but damn... why would the circuit breaker trip over night? There was barely anything plugged in... maybe its just an old apartment thing, to fail in the middle of the night just because!

Pree

PS: Its so cold... no energy to go to work...

the irony

Its been some fairly eventful few days hence I havent written much...

Im really happy with how things are going... Im starting to feel really comfortable with a group of friends here (I think thats good news for me, but whether it is good for them is still to be determined! after all, I know I can be an annoying friend). I believe I went out every single night for the last 2 weeks, which given my work load and this God-awful weather it is quite impressive.

A good group of us went out Friday night... dinner, shopping, drinks, bar, a house party, Tropicana and finally late night (or early early morning) ihop breakfast... I got home it was 4AM! Its been a long time since Ive been out that late... but I really do like this whole 'work hard play harder' philosophy. As long, of course, as I get to vege-out in front of my fabulous tv or something like it all weekend....

Im feeling good about these friends... Pretty good Id say but of course, not all is happy and mushy, because of course it wouldnt be my life if it didnt have some crazy irony and a funky twists... basically:

Super cute guy puts his hand on my waist, turns me around, leans near my neck and says into my ear 'hey, whats your friends name'... SERIOUSLY???? SERIOUSLY DUDE???? Way to pick me up and toss me down!

Its good to have these new friends, but damn!

Pree

pay up and now bend over

After going to the a.m.a.z.i.n.g. Lunafest I decided that today was a good time to finish filling out the naturalization paperwork... After 15 pages or so, I found a few questions that sparked my attention...

Have you ever been a habitual drunkard? What how much technically qualifies as a drunkard?

Have you ever been a member of or in any way associated (either directly or indirectly) with:
the communist party? party?
any other totalitarian party? what party?
a terrorist organization? no... no party...

Have you ever advocated the overthrow of any government by force or violence? do I look like i care that much?

Have you ever persecuted any person because of race, religion etc...? If I say yes, do I still have to fill out the application or am I automatically qualified?

Now the freaky ones...
If the law requires it, are you willing to bear arms on behalf of the United States?
..., are you willing to perform noncombatant services in the US Armed Forces?
..., are you willing to perform work of national importance under civilian direction? lets just hope that the law wont require any of that stuff... Im afraid of watching violence on movies, how do u see me carrying a gun ?!?


Now its all filled out... just gotta wait til I have 700$ to apply...

Pree

Random tid-bit: From my calculations, on the last 5 years I made 8 international trips and was out of country for 150 days.

a happy old hag

Apparently Im still in celebratory mode (we won our vball game and went to grab some drinks at MLT) so this post may be a little discombobulated. I wont hold myself accountable for 'typing under influence'.... (wow my jokes are bad)

As you know (and if you dont, shame on you) yesterday was my bday and I turned 24! Yup... Pree is getting old! I was giong to post last night but was a little not in my senses, so today it is.... my birthday was great! It truly and honestly surpassed all of my expectations and I cant even begin to think how it could have been better =)

• A 11:55PM call the night before came with the fabulous surprise of a special visit in Chicago in Feb which means that ill get to see my good friend Pie AND ill be going to the Matchbox 20 concert after all
• I got great surprise goodies in the mail from my Slippers and my parents
• I talked to my sister for a like 20 min
• I got mad love in Facebook wall posts, messages, text messages, phone calls and emails
• I had delicious rum cake at work (made from scratch by one of my managers) with my whole team
• I went to happy hour at Tellers and had tons of ppl show up
• I spent 3 hours at the happy hour laughing so hard my stomach (and cheeks) hurt afterwards (and aparently, I was pretty 'affectionate' as well... you know what tequila does to me! lol)
• And last but not least... ill be going to Hocking Hills in Feb with a bunch of friends =) to celebrate with some more debauchery!

Apparently i also made some calls I wasnt aware of (or dont remember most of the convos)... according to my phone i called MRX, Sasquatch and Pie. I would usually say "frown on me for calling who I shouldnt and saying what I shouldnt have" but hey c'est la vie and no regrets on my end! They say a 'drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts' so by saying what I think Im just staying true to myself and I have no regret... I am who I am, I feel what I feel and not one inch of me feels ashamed of being me. Every inch of me is beautiful, no matter how 'out of line' it is.

But for now... bonne nuit!
Pree

happy birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me :) Off to work and then celebration happy hour...
Yay to me and yay for another amazing year!

benefit of the doubt

Someone told me recently that perhaps these ppl 'build walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down'... i tried breaking them down, i just dont think they want me in... but how do u give the ppl u (shouldnt) love the benefit of the doubt without loosing a sense of reality and self preservation?

advice welcomed.

pree

strike 1

Sometimes you have moments where the whole world stops... you hear your heart beat really loud... you feel your stomach tighten in a knot... you process the information in your head one more time and slowly you are slapped in the face with the realization that you fucked up, royally. Then you are standing on this line... you look to the right and see an option that is simple, easier and that wont give you an ulcer... you think about it and chances are noone would notice you fucked up and if they did you could probably play it off as an honest mistake.... then you reluctantly look to the left, you see the choice you should make along with all the consequences of the mistake and the feelings that come with owning up to your royal screw up... damn i hate that spot.

Today at work I made the right choice, I wont find out until tomorrow AM if the consequences will play out or not... and seriously i dont even think im allowed to feel good about making the right decision, after all it is what i should have done anyways. To look at it from a brighter side... at least my first royal screw up at work is done.

Btw.. icing on the cake, I went to figure out about my car today... almost 3000$. OUCH!
Gotta get ready for dinner... i sure hope it takes away the nasty taste i have in my mouth from this bitter day.

Pree

resigned to live

New plans.. new year... new 'life'... and a whole new look to go with it (i hope you like it).

Like I mentioned the other day, I would say my plan is to be and be without reservations - be well, be balanced, be true to myself and be the best that I can be.I've been working on a list of principles to live by to help me fulfill this life plan…

Life Plan Principles 1.0

- Follow my 'syllabus'. Success in my life is measured by me and noone else; so I gotta decide what goes towards my 'final grade', how much everything is worth and how often I grade it... I define my success, I define what makes an 'A'. No questions asked.

- Embrace the moment. Embrace and cherish the happy, the sad ,the stress, the laughther, the tears, the fervor and all emotions that life brings. I don’t want a rated G life in black and white.

- Do what is right, for me and for others, It may be hard, it may be easy, it may be clear or unclear… when in doubt ask myself ‘If I am remembered by anyone at all… and this is the only thing they will remember about me… what action/decision should I take?’

- Give people the benefit of the doubt. I may misunderstand people, or their motives may not be clear to me… but I will err on giving the benefit of the doubt. And if anything I won’t jump to conclusions… i'll ask.

- Give people (and myself) a second/third/fourth/fifth chance. Everyone makes mistakes, its what we do about them that matters most.

- Take chances. ( a few things in this category…) To have anything worth having, we have to make hard choices. To win big you need to risk big. When you say yes to something, you are not saying yes to millions of other things… sometimes its a compromise, sometimes it’s a sacrifice but know it everytime.

- Respect myself. Love me above all else and love others without restraints

- Dream big. Your only limitation is how wild your dreams are… want something and go for it. As Robert Fritz said once: "If you limit your choices to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." One part of this is my 'bucket list' which I'll add in the next few days...

They may change... but the intent wont.

Pree

wat doesnt kill you makes you stronger

My drive into work today was everything but ordinary...

See, I started getting onto the expressway... I made the curve on to the ramp but as I started going 'straight' on the ramp my back wheels continued sliding towards the left. Now the details are so fuzzy... I just remember telling myself to let go of the brakes... seeing my car going towards a big deep ditch on the left of the ramp and I turned the wheel to the right. After that... I spun... a few times I think... all I know is that I ended on the right side of the ramp, with my steering wheel locked, all the panel lights on and facing incoming traffic.

I dont remember what really happened, how I really felt or what I thought... I just remember sitting and staring at cars breaking, slowing down as they passed me and thinking 'Thank God its over'.

My hands were shaking... I just sat there until I noticed the windshield fogging up (it was after all in the 20s and my car was off)... I had to do something, but my mind certainly wasnt functioning... insurance? cops? get out of the car? too many thoughts but no thoughts at all... my cellphone somehow ended up on the backseat... I barely managed to dial a friend but then she didnt asnwer... then MRX came to my mind, we rarely talk but I thought maybe he'd help me... I managed to talk to him and he helped me calm down and told me what to do... I waited for incoming traffic to stop, turned around and went to work - determined to not let it get to me.

I thought that was the end... but at lunch time I went out with some co-workers. After I parked and went to put money in the meter, we realized that the whole front of my car was everything but intact. The driver side head lamp... dangling. The whole front bumper... barely attached and cracked in multiple spots. It was so bad I still am not sure it looks that way. Now... that doesnt happen unless you hit something. But did I hit something? I dont know! How can I possibly have hit something and not know it??? But I really honestly truly dont remember hitting anything at all!!!

Now I gotta report it to my insurance to get it fixed... I have no doubt it will be at least $1500, my insurance will go up and ill be without a car for a little while. This sucks... terribly. As if the whole spinning thing didnt stress me enough, now I have to deal with all the added stress getting this fixed is going to bring me.

I didnt get hurt... its defitinely shaken me up way more than I think is 'acceptable', it made me feel really alone and its drained me but Im okay and thats all that matters.

Damn what a way to start the year...

pree

PS: Saturday update... I looked at my car this morning, the snow/salt is washed off and I can see what the damage really was, and Im glad its not as bad as I thought. Maybe it wont cost THAT much...

wish i could sleep

Like the old grandma I am now, I was exhausted and ready for bed around 7 but decided to run some errands and be in bed by 10. All was going according to plan when my power went out at 9:55ish... great time to go snuggle up under the covers - not quite! I noticed that my power went out, not everyone else's... so it wasnt going to come back on unless I did something about it... great! So off I went in a hunt for the circuit breaker... needless to say that after walking outside in the dark (10 PM), freezing cold, the last place I wanted to go into was the basement. But not much of a choice there...obviously I was scared shitless for the whole 15 minutes that took me to find that my breaker... my heartbeat was so fast that now I just cant fall asleep... argh!!!
Tomorrow is such a big day for me too... presentation to our General Manager and my quarterly review...

Figures id be wide awake (and with nothing interesting to write about)...

pree

Death to New Years Resolution

It is January 1st 2007 2008 (you know its going to take a while to get used to the 8). I once again started the year in an airplane…. I once again flew from the coast to the midwest, but this time my whole world is different.

I sat on that plane for 4 hours and did some thinking… I thought about new years resolutions… and how silly they really are. New Years resolutions get dropped once the year is no longer new… so why have one if you wont stick to it. If its important, it shouldn’t be a New years resolution… it should just be. So this year I will have no New Years resolutions. No ‘loose 20 pounds’ resolution, no ‘save to buy a house’ resolution, no ‘exercise more’ resolution…. you change your life when you change your habits, and you change your habits every moment of the day... not in a New Years resolution.

I think this perspective is really a result of a lot of changes that have happened to my way of thinking… I sat on the plane and I reviewed some of the ways I've changed since I graduated from college. I realized that with vacation time being over, the new year starting and my birthday approaching it seems like an appropriate time to come out with my ‘life plan’… I've been cooking this up in my head for a while but it feels like its time to start getting it on paper.

This isn’t about religion, and it isn’t about selfish individual self-fulfillment... To oversimply the whole thing, I would say my plan is to be and without reservations- be well, be balanced, be true to myself and be the best that I can be.

In my head the plan is really a fluid idea of who I am and who I want to be and do. It is about what I want to stand for and the way I want to live. Because whether my last day is today or in 80 years, I want to look back and be happy with who I have been. I want to look back and know that I worked to be the best version of myself. I want to look at every action and not doubt if it was right or wrong.

I've been working a small list of principles to live by to help me get there… I also finally put on paper my 'bucket list'. But I will post them later this week... my ride is here to get me at the airport ( few things I appreciate more than being picked up at the airport… )

Pree