work-a-holic? getting close

Forget updates about the weekend... forget all the 'funny' stories I had to tell... I am totally and utterly drained. Monday I worked 7.30-6.30, Tuesday 7.30-5 and then 10-11, and today 6am to 6.30pm!!! Forget halloween... im vegging out on the couch.

TGIF =)

OMG OMG OMG... Here I am, sitting in Nashville... when all of a sudden I get a phone call from a flower shop! Yup... you heard right, a flower shop. I was sure it was an error but they had my cell number and they had my address... but the one problem is that I wasnt home to get the flowers ='( after recovering from the initial shock and informing the woman on the line that I would be back in town on Sunday afternoon, I asked her if she could please tell me what this was for or from.
The longest 30 seconds of my life passed as I waited for her to go get the info... all sorts of thoughts came through my head... Why would my mom send me flowers? It was honestly the only thought I could conceive... (i know, my life can be that 'sad)... she gets back on the line and sounded awfully confused. She said it was signed with a number instead of a name. So I started writting it down as she dictated it... but after the 5th digit or so it clicked in my head who it had to be... I almost screamed at her in excitement 'i know who it is! i know who it is!'.

I wonder how often this woman does this... but she asked if I wanted her to read me the whole card. After I VERY QUICKLY AGREED she put me on hold again... (oh man... maybe its inappropriate for her to read... maybe he wrote something other people wouldnt want to know... maybe its bad news and she wont want to tell me... ) she gets back on the line and goes on to read the few lines. Then she describes what the arrangement looks like (it ties in with the note)... she must have heard me smiling because she said 'i thought it was cute too'.

Regardless of how cute she thought it was, she couldnt even begin to comprehend how perfect it is. Even without me seeing it, i know it couldnt be better... because with him everything is always perfect, always tailored, always thought-out... I can barely wait for Sunday when I can get the flowers and smell them and decorate my apartment... I can barely wait to take pictures of it so I can 'engrave' it on my not-so-perfect memory.

I can barely wait to get off from work so I can call and say thank you! Its amazing how thoughtful and caring some people are... he always has been full of thoughtful surprises. You should be jealous! And I will be of whoever gets to marry him. Damn he is amazing! Why arent more men like that... but see, he gives me hope that not all men are selfish, insecure, careless, %#$&@*! I am so blessed to know someone so good like that... someone so thoughtful to send me flowers 'jsut because its friday'... its moments like these that make me so aware that God has blessed me so much, with such amazing people...

oh boy! oh boy! oh boy! Thank God its Friday!!! Its a great start of a weekend...

<3 Pree PS: I just know Im giong to get cramps from smiling =) and you know I did my retarded clap!!! yayyyyyy!!


PS2: Here they are...

getting what i asked for

It is 6:45 AM. Its still pitch black outside. I just dragged my VERY VERY SLEEPY butt out of bed. My hair is crazy, my apartment is freezing, my arm is throbbing in pain and my jaw really hurts for some reason. But not all is bad... if you think about the fact that I am home, and not at work already, then its 'pretty good'. I am sitting on my couch on a global conference call for work. Yes I was excited about working on global projects, yes I was excited about the global travel, yes I was excited to work with people from Japan to Switzerland to Chile... but a conference call this early!!! That's almost pushing it... this isnt wat i thought of when i wanted 'flexible schedule' either. But off to pay attention and participate, after all they do pay me the 'big bucks'...
Pree

PS: Check out my arm...it hurts without touching...

another hallmark day

February 14th... that polarizing day... some people loveeeeee it, and an awful lot of people hate it enough to basically remove it from calendars all together. Between mothers day, fathers day, friendship day, secretary day, pool-boy day you figured that Hallmark would have had its share of 'non-sense' polarizing holidays... but no!!! Cincinnati is quite special... people here are so obsessed with being married, being engaged or just being extra committed that here, in couples-ville, they must celebrate Valentines day TWICE a year. Yup! Feb 14th wasnt enough for these folk... today, the 3rd saturday of october, is Sweetest Day. Seriously???

the tide rises

but it also recedes. And with every circle today was bound to come... Today was one of "those" days, and by 'those" I mean "damn, I wish I had boyfriend" kind of days. I know it sounds crazy coming out of my mouth... well, at least I hope it does because I shouldnt want to have a boyfriend. Just last week I told myself no official boyfriends for one year. But today I did want it, and more than once...

Usually I get out of bed and sing along to the radio while I get dressed but today I was just exhausted, so instead I ate my breakfast while I watched the Weather Channel. As I stared numbly at the tv I wished I had someone to tell me to have a great day inspite of the crappy ass weather.

Work was crazy crazy crazy... there were 2 really 'high' moments, and a few shitty moments... I told my manager something I think I shouldnt have. I just wanted to get it off my chest, and she was the only 'trustworthy' person around. I wish I could have called someone just to vent for 2 minutes... I guess I could have called Sasquatsch but our relationship has been different lately, he has been so busy for me and I didnt feel comfortable.

When I got home from work I was just so tired, so drained, and so needy... I took off my work clothes and lay down in bed in hopes of making it all better but my bed just seemed too big, it felt too empty and then I wished I could have snuggled with someone who made it feel a little better.

Once dinner time came around, I managed to burn the leftover rice... other than dealing with the extra cleaning and the burnt smell, I ended up having to make a new batch... so now I have tons of rice... a whole new pot just for me, one person...

I know it sounds like a crappy day but after I showered, somehow I felt totally rejuvenated. I was in a good mood, I felt beautiful, I wasnt bothered by any of those things anymore... but sometimes along with my great mood comes this crazy desire to be wanted. And even though I did get some attention from boys on the phone, it just wasnt the same. Conversations with these boys are so shallow... I feel I have to be Ms. Bubbly instead of just me... and above all, I wanted to be touched, to close my eyes and exhale and just enjoy the soft touches on my skin.

But nope! I just dont get to get that. You cant have the best of both worlds... and now it doesnt even matter anyways bcuz the day is finally done... and tomorrow I shouldnt feel this way anymore. These days only come from time to time... and Im glad its now bed time.

Pree

shave where? everywhere!

Right when I thought there was nothing fun procrastinate on... I ran into this website: www.shaveeverywhere.com It is hillarious!!! Some funny screenshots...





Ohh... the joys of procrastination...

too much to tell

I know I havent written in a while but too much has happened and I just dont even know where to begin. Maybe I will write about the weekend tomorrow or something but for now I'll just say that:
* I can already see work being extremely stressful... I felt like crying at one of my meetings today.
* I got this national SWE position and Im thrilled to be getting active in SWE again.
* I really should watch how much I drink when I go out.
* I started swimming again and its insane how peaceful it makes me feel.
* Ive been talking to some friends more than usual and others less than I want to...

Ohhh... one more thing.... Im going out with this guy this week and only after I agreed to it, I found out he is 37!!! He seems really fun though... we'll see how this turns out!

Pree

hitting the books... again.

This week I had the amazing opportunity of hearing two amazing speakers - Malcom Gladwell and Brian Uzzi. Yet another perk of working for corporate america! I did learn a lot at this work conference but hearing these two speakers were really the icing on the cake.

As expected Malcolm drew his talk from 'Blink'. The Q&A session afterwards was really insightful but for the most part he just reminded me of all the cool things I learned when I read Blink. The guy has an amazing sense of humor too which obviously makes it all even better.

Now... Brian Uzzi. This man impressed me tremendously; everything from his delivery to the insights to the humor! He talked primarily about social networks. As we all know, financial capital (i.e. cash) has long been replaced by intellectual capital and the value that each individual adds to the business. But now a change has started and as intellectual capital supply increases (and its value decreases), social network capital will become more and more valuable. He covered ideas we are all well familiar with from the Tipping Point like mavens vs connectors. He talked about trust in relationships and how it can be detrimental to building networks (seems counter-intuitive but it really makes sense). I was so impressed by him and all his knowledge! So much so that I think I want to go to Northwestern so I can have him as my MBA professor. I know I had said that driving 5hrs to Chicago every Saturday for 3 years is way too much but I can deal with taht in 3-5 years when I actually have to do it.

First I gotta hit the books and get over the top GMAT scores... but for now Im making dinner and hopefully making it to the post office before they close.

Pree


PS: Other than this work has been really stretching me. Its amazing how much Ive learned but at the same time it can be so frustrating! It takes me 3 times as long to do everything. I know its a learning process but you know how impatient I am!

It all starts with 'Boy meets girl'

A long time ago, an ex tried justifying his lack of self-control by saying that I was responsible for him cheating on me. According to him, if it happened so often then the fault had to be on me and not on the 'respectable' guys I choose to date. As we can see that was nothing but a reaffirmation that dumping him was the smartest thing I did in that relationship. A few months ago I had a brief moment of stupidity where I actually considered what he said to be true. Since then Ive developed my own theory of how maybe we are both at fault... the ex's and me.

This is how it works....
Boy meets girl but doesnt put much thought into it, if anything he is intimidated by her. Boy starts realizing that girl is kinda strong, independent, tenacious, stubborn, self-sufficient, confident and a bit rough around the edges. Boy is inexplicably attracted to all these qualities... he claims to want a woman who can stand on her own 2 feet. He claims that all his previous girlfriends were 'too needy' or fragile or that they had to be taken care of. Girl warns boy that he wont really like how 'strong' she is. Boy denies it all and falls in love with girl. Girl is skeptical but at his request she brings down the walls and falls in love with boy.

As time passes the excitement of dating a 'strong woman' starts to be replaced by a growing fear of insecurity. Boy wants the girl to somehow show him that she loves him too. The girl feels that choosing to be with him instead of someone else/or alone is a very clear sign that she wants him, the girl does little things for him to show that she loves him... but all along the boy knows that she doesnt need him... the boy sees threats where there are none, the boy wants her to change (to need him) but they both know she wont. She wants to be with him, she loves him but that is not enough for him... because the fear of possibly being replaced haunts him; and in all his insecurities and all his weakness and selfishness he decides to go find some needy girl who cant stand on her own 2 feet... because after all, she does need him. And in the end thats what he wants.

So you see... he is the one that chooses to be unfaithful... he is the one who chooses to become the man he swore to himself never to be, he is the one who chooses to disrespect himself, the girl he 'loves' and the new girl who 'needs' him. He is the owner of their fate.
But you know, I am partially responsible too... but not because of what I do or dont do. But because of who I am. I understand the importance of compromise, but being strong, independent and tenacious are non-negotiable. So in the end of the day, there may not be many men out there who really do want a woman like me, there may not be any... and Im okay with that. Its taken me a while to get back to here, but I can stand here once again and believe every word of it.

Pree

“Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.”
Henri Frederic Amiel

work-a-holic? not yet.

Ive had training at work all of this week. Other than gaining some extra pounds I learned some pretty neat things (yay for ethnic and volume forecasting... kinda). The least useful and yet the funniest were two 'analogies' I heard from a co-worker...

- Work-life balance is the unicorn around here. Everyone has heard about it, everyone has talked about it, everyone knows what it is supposed to look like, if you saw one you would recognize it, you have been keeping an eye out for it and none have passed by. Worse of all, when you talk to other people it turns out that they have ever seen one either.

- Traveling for work is like selling hot dogs at the Super Bowl. Yeah you get to go to the big game, you get to be there when thousands of people wish they could, but its not like you actually watch the game. Instead you spend the whole time with your back to it, instead of enjoying it you spend the whole time worried about everything but the game... and when something cool happens you just miss it and get to see other people enjoy it.

About time they hung

They say 30 is the new 20, but Im pretty sure that doesnt apply to me because I feel my body in the time schedule of a senior citizen. I wish that entitled me to the discounts but instead Im just stuck with funky eating and sleeping times. I want to have lunch at 11, dinner at 5 and be in bed by 8... I do force myself to catch that second wind... which is dying out right about now. So forgive my 'drowsy fingers'. Im going to keep this short...

My mom visited me for a couple of days and it was nice. We did tourist-y things in Cincinnati and I actually really appreciate the city a little more (not that I didnt before, but telling someone new how cool it is made me believe it a little more too). She clearly had rock-bottom expectations bcuz her level of satisfaction with the city was almost fake. Her visit had some definitively interesting conversations and remarks but that will have to wait for a time Im more awake...

I got home from the airport a little while ago and surveying the place to see what she forgot I paid more attention to what she did to my apartment while I was at work today. Not bad but it will get some getting used to where everything is now. Also...

- My paintings, diploma, awards and 'knick-knacks' now cover my once hospital looking walls. (my 200$-frame with 10$Prague-paintings look fabulous in the living room... after all that money and effort, its about time they hung on my wall)
- Im now left with 2 kilos of chocolate (i know its not real punishment but it sure doesnt help me get thinner)
- Mom unpacked the last 4 boxes that were in the living room (to me they had become invisible but hey, I wasnt going to stop her)
- My 'Goodwill' corner has doubled in size
- Mom 'reorganized' my whole place and from what I noticed she must have crossed paths with a few items that maybe she would have preferred not to know about (ok, Im the one who wishes she hadnt but still... privacy!!)
- And my ultimate 'favorite' (read sarcasm)... so that I dont feel 'alone' in my room I now have this pink 4-foot doll sitting in the corner and staring at me with its plum-sized blue stitched eyes.

[picture of doll to go here if I can find my camera in the apartment... if she kept it in her purse i am seriously going to CRYYYYYYYYY]

Where she got it from? Dont ask... all I have to say is, I have kept some mementos for wayy too many years... which in itself could be a whole post (oh dont act so surprised now, im not that easy to read)

Now off to sleep under the watch of scary 'Emily' (thats not a pseudo, it has been her name for the last 8 years Ive had her... i know, i can be so pathetic at times...)

P