It all starts with 'Boy meets girl'

A long time ago, an ex tried justifying his lack of self-control by saying that I was responsible for him cheating on me. According to him, if it happened so often then the fault had to be on me and not on the 'respectable' guys I choose to date. As we can see that was nothing but a reaffirmation that dumping him was the smartest thing I did in that relationship. A few months ago I had a brief moment of stupidity where I actually considered what he said to be true. Since then Ive developed my own theory of how maybe we are both at fault... the ex's and me.

This is how it works....
Boy meets girl but doesnt put much thought into it, if anything he is intimidated by her. Boy starts realizing that girl is kinda strong, independent, tenacious, stubborn, self-sufficient, confident and a bit rough around the edges. Boy is inexplicably attracted to all these qualities... he claims to want a woman who can stand on her own 2 feet. He claims that all his previous girlfriends were 'too needy' or fragile or that they had to be taken care of. Girl warns boy that he wont really like how 'strong' she is. Boy denies it all and falls in love with girl. Girl is skeptical but at his request she brings down the walls and falls in love with boy.

As time passes the excitement of dating a 'strong woman' starts to be replaced by a growing fear of insecurity. Boy wants the girl to somehow show him that she loves him too. The girl feels that choosing to be with him instead of someone else/or alone is a very clear sign that she wants him, the girl does little things for him to show that she loves him... but all along the boy knows that she doesnt need him... the boy sees threats where there are none, the boy wants her to change (to need him) but they both know she wont. She wants to be with him, she loves him but that is not enough for him... because the fear of possibly being replaced haunts him; and in all his insecurities and all his weakness and selfishness he decides to go find some needy girl who cant stand on her own 2 feet... because after all, she does need him. And in the end thats what he wants.

So you see... he is the one that chooses to be unfaithful... he is the one who chooses to become the man he swore to himself never to be, he is the one who chooses to disrespect himself, the girl he 'loves' and the new girl who 'needs' him. He is the owner of their fate.
But you know, I am partially responsible too... but not because of what I do or dont do. But because of who I am. I understand the importance of compromise, but being strong, independent and tenacious are non-negotiable. So in the end of the day, there may not be many men out there who really do want a woman like me, there may not be any... and Im okay with that. Its taken me a while to get back to here, but I can stand here once again and believe every word of it.

Pree

“Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.”
Henri Frederic Amiel