heartbreaker? nah

'So you've figured me out uh?'
'I think so...'
'Tell me more.'
'I think you are a heartbreaker.'
'What?! Why would you think so?!'
'I dont know, dont worry about it.'

Oh boy! I hope I dont loose this one just yet... I think some guys Ive dated have indeed gotten their heart broken but I wouldnt call myself a heartbreaker. See, its not that hard... stick to who you are, dont constantly bend over backwards for me, and keep me challenged... otherwise things get sower and I get labeled the 'b*tch'... for waht? knwoing what I want?

Hell, after half of the things I said today he might not want to hang out with me again :o/ I gotta remember to tone myself down just a little bit...

Anyways... beautiful flowers from my date today :o) oh they are soooo me!!! So me! How did he know I am not crazy about roses and such?! Well, brownie points...

I think Im starting to like this guy a little more than I had planned...
not good.... will keep you posted.

Pree

PS: Favorite quote of the nite? 'Im parched'

happy birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me :) Off to work and then celebration happy hour...
Yay to me and yay for another amazing year!

resigned to live

New plans.. new year... new 'life'... and a whole new look to go with it (i hope you like it).

Like I mentioned the other day, I would say my plan is to be and be without reservations - be well, be balanced, be true to myself and be the best that I can be.I've been working on a list of principles to live by to help me fulfill this life plan…

Life Plan Principles 1.0

- Follow my 'syllabus'. Success in my life is measured by me and noone else; so I gotta decide what goes towards my 'final grade', how much everything is worth and how often I grade it... I define my success, I define what makes an 'A'. No questions asked.

- Embrace the moment. Embrace and cherish the happy, the sad ,the stress, the laughther, the tears, the fervor and all emotions that life brings. I don’t want a rated G life in black and white.

- Do what is right, for me and for others, It may be hard, it may be easy, it may be clear or unclear… when in doubt ask myself ‘If I am remembered by anyone at all… and this is the only thing they will remember about me… what action/decision should I take?’

- Give people the benefit of the doubt. I may misunderstand people, or their motives may not be clear to me… but I will err on giving the benefit of the doubt. And if anything I won’t jump to conclusions… i'll ask.

- Give people (and myself) a second/third/fourth/fifth chance. Everyone makes mistakes, its what we do about them that matters most.

- Take chances. ( a few things in this category…) To have anything worth having, we have to make hard choices. To win big you need to risk big. When you say yes to something, you are not saying yes to millions of other things… sometimes its a compromise, sometimes it’s a sacrifice but know it everytime.

- Respect myself. Love me above all else and love others without restraints

- Dream big. Your only limitation is how wild your dreams are… want something and go for it. As Robert Fritz said once: "If you limit your choices to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." One part of this is my 'bucket list' which I'll add in the next few days...

They may change... but the intent wont.

Pree

wat doesnt kill you makes you stronger

My drive into work today was everything but ordinary...

See, I started getting onto the expressway... I made the curve on to the ramp but as I started going 'straight' on the ramp my back wheels continued sliding towards the left. Now the details are so fuzzy... I just remember telling myself to let go of the brakes... seeing my car going towards a big deep ditch on the left of the ramp and I turned the wheel to the right. After that... I spun... a few times I think... all I know is that I ended on the right side of the ramp, with my steering wheel locked, all the panel lights on and facing incoming traffic.

I dont remember what really happened, how I really felt or what I thought... I just remember sitting and staring at cars breaking, slowing down as they passed me and thinking 'Thank God its over'.

My hands were shaking... I just sat there until I noticed the windshield fogging up (it was after all in the 20s and my car was off)... I had to do something, but my mind certainly wasnt functioning... insurance? cops? get out of the car? too many thoughts but no thoughts at all... my cellphone somehow ended up on the backseat... I barely managed to dial a friend but then she didnt asnwer... then MRX came to my mind, we rarely talk but I thought maybe he'd help me... I managed to talk to him and he helped me calm down and told me what to do... I waited for incoming traffic to stop, turned around and went to work - determined to not let it get to me.

I thought that was the end... but at lunch time I went out with some co-workers. After I parked and went to put money in the meter, we realized that the whole front of my car was everything but intact. The driver side head lamp... dangling. The whole front bumper... barely attached and cracked in multiple spots. It was so bad I still am not sure it looks that way. Now... that doesnt happen unless you hit something. But did I hit something? I dont know! How can I possibly have hit something and not know it??? But I really honestly truly dont remember hitting anything at all!!!

Now I gotta report it to my insurance to get it fixed... I have no doubt it will be at least $1500, my insurance will go up and ill be without a car for a little while. This sucks... terribly. As if the whole spinning thing didnt stress me enough, now I have to deal with all the added stress getting this fixed is going to bring me.

I didnt get hurt... its defitinely shaken me up way more than I think is 'acceptable', it made me feel really alone and its drained me but Im okay and thats all that matters.

Damn what a way to start the year...

pree

PS: Saturday update... I looked at my car this morning, the snow/salt is washed off and I can see what the damage really was, and Im glad its not as bad as I thought. Maybe it wont cost THAT much...

Death to New Years Resolution

It is January 1st 2007 2008 (you know its going to take a while to get used to the 8). I once again started the year in an airplane…. I once again flew from the coast to the midwest, but this time my whole world is different.

I sat on that plane for 4 hours and did some thinking… I thought about new years resolutions… and how silly they really are. New Years resolutions get dropped once the year is no longer new… so why have one if you wont stick to it. If its important, it shouldn’t be a New years resolution… it should just be. So this year I will have no New Years resolutions. No ‘loose 20 pounds’ resolution, no ‘save to buy a house’ resolution, no ‘exercise more’ resolution…. you change your life when you change your habits, and you change your habits every moment of the day... not in a New Years resolution.

I think this perspective is really a result of a lot of changes that have happened to my way of thinking… I sat on the plane and I reviewed some of the ways I've changed since I graduated from college. I realized that with vacation time being over, the new year starting and my birthday approaching it seems like an appropriate time to come out with my ‘life plan’… I've been cooking this up in my head for a while but it feels like its time to start getting it on paper.

This isn’t about religion, and it isn’t about selfish individual self-fulfillment... To oversimply the whole thing, I would say my plan is to be and without reservations- be well, be balanced, be true to myself and be the best that I can be.

In my head the plan is really a fluid idea of who I am and who I want to be and do. It is about what I want to stand for and the way I want to live. Because whether my last day is today or in 80 years, I want to look back and be happy with who I have been. I want to look back and know that I worked to be the best version of myself. I want to look at every action and not doubt if it was right or wrong.

I've been working a small list of principles to live by to help me get there… I also finally put on paper my 'bucket list'. But I will post them later this week... my ride is here to get me at the airport ( few things I appreciate more than being picked up at the airport… )

Pree