Monday, October 26, 2009

when the clock strikes 12 and long after the night falls..

the nights are the hardest... it is in the night that my guards are down, my mind is vulnerable and I am filled with thoughts of you. It is in the night, when all else is quiet, that I hear your voice in my ear, feel your touch on my skin, smell you on my pillow. It is in the night that awake or asleep I cant help but feel you are here under the sheets with me. I could never tell you that most nights, when I am restless in bed, I remember you holding me with your big hands pulling me tight and how you smell my hair before you kiss my neck. Imagining you here still makes me feel safe so I can fall asleep. the nights are the hardest time to forget you...

I wonder if its because for so long you came to see me at night. I wonder if its because so many times you crawled into my bed after I had been asleep. I wonder if its because at night was when we had our innocent and intimate moments. I wonder if its because at night the rest of the world shut down and we could finally spend time together.

the nights are the hardest... because it is the real me. When I come to bed, I put my guards down and its not very hard to see that you are still what fills me up, that right behind the walls you are there... when my guards are down I dont know how to pretend to not love you and miss you and want you.

but the trick is, i need the nights, i need more and more nights, because the more nights i have, the more time that passes, and the easier it is supposed to be.
how i hate to love you this much.

pree

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