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Candidate Positions on College Affordability from gotTuition.org

NY DC SF

driving around cincinnati saw the following license plate...

the driver is clearly in denial... honey, you live in cinci. Come to terms with it.





pree

elections

Elections are coming up and although I should be excited I am just scared. Scared because I have no say on what is going to happen since i cant vote... scared because all these people around me will play a part in determining part of my future with me having no say on it... the worst is that most of them dont even care to get out and vote. Or if they do, they arent very informed.

Most of you shouldnt be surprised that if I could vote, I would vote for Obama this year. There are many reasons for that as I wouldnt be a one issue voter. One of the things that both candidates have very different views on is taxes... I dont think either of them have it completely right so I was reading up today and found some interesting info on taxes from the WSJ...

Basically Obama wants to raise taxes for the rich, but it seems that the rich has already been paying the bulk of the taxes in the US. Yes, largely because they make more money but also because of the way our tax system works. If you look at the chart, the top 50% of the country pays for almost all of the taxes. Flat tax is sounding pretty good to me right about now...

November 4th all these people around me will decide how much taxes I pay, what my health care looks like, and what this war looks like... and the only thing that separates me from all these people is a $700 dollar application to be a US citizen and a written test. Right about now I start wondering if maybe I should just give in to 1) Citizen tax, 2) Forfeiting my Brazilian citizenship and 3) agreeing to bear arms for this country...

pree

PS: Yesterday I again got asked whether or not I pay taxes since Im just a permanent resident and not a citizen... and again I got told by a US citizen that the process and tradeoffs wasnt worth being a citizen then. Oh Americans... some of you really make me wonder...

iggy rip

iggy was my fishy. My pet. I got him as a present from the flower boy in June and he croacked on me this week. I know I shouldnt be upset or shouldnt have cried about it but this sucks... he was my pet. 100% mine. My responsibility and I failed him. It was just so f'ed up. He had been lethargic for a few days... so I got him a water heater. Not the issue it turned out. A few days passed, I came home, he looked sick. I looked online and finally recognized what he had, I went to the store and bought him the antibiotics. I got home, and he was belly up dead on me...
yet another sign that i probably should never have kids...
pree

not making mama proud

My house is a disaster. A complete utter mess! No, it is not something to brag about... but honestly, how did I let it get this far!? I feel like Im a college boy... I have "piles" of clothes in 6 places throughout my house... not counting the 2 closets (which are nearly empty now). I have papers and shoes everywhere... it has become truly disturbing when I cant find ANYTHING anymore. The worse part is that I rather sit here and write about it than do something about it... its going to take all day! and I just dont want to deal with any of this. But I am getting depressed now...
like it or not... im off to cleaning... well, after I watch the presidential debate that I missed on Friday.

tata for now
pree

left me

The summer is officially over… its been over for 2 days now. In the mornings its darker when I get up…. Its getting darker earlier than before… and I started wearing a light scarf. Soon it will be time to pull out the Fall jackets and I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS. How could summer just leave me this way? I feel wronged in a way.

vball

dude I was made to play vball... So I joined this new group to make new friends and get some exercise into my life... LOVE IT! The team Im in actually challenges me (which is good for me and sucks a little bit for them, though I do hold my end). I am having such an amazing high tonight.. I was exhausted after work... but then I went and sweated for 2 hours.. now Im like new! yay for vball... miss my old coachie...

travelling again?

So it seems that I may be going to London again for work in October... shortly after I go to Atlanta. It will be nice since ill get to see some of my family, but now my wheels are turning... where should I go/what should I do the weekend that I am there?

I'm a PC

Did you get a chance to see the new Windows ad that came out today? I was surprisingly watching live tv and was taken back by it. I actually really like it... there was no question that anything would have been much better than the Seinfeld/Gates ad from last week, but this one in itself is pretty good.

Kudos to Microsoft for having an ad campaign that is authentic, and engaging. Now lets see if it will do anything for its bottom line...

energy-holics

oh Lord... our dependency on electricity is beyond understanding. I figured that away from Florida I would no longer be reminded every year that we are a worthless nation without energy. But no... hurricanes apparently will follow me even to Ohio. Ike came through and devasted Cincinnati. Most of the city has been without power... I thankfully just got mine back a few hours ago (after 24 hrs!!!) but still, its hard to do anything without electricity really. And the gas stations... many ran out of gas!!! Yup, there were just a few that had power to let you pump, and those had lines of cars for several yards waiting to pump...

In spite of the very sad realization that we are eternally dependent on tradional methods of energy, somehow we are still not being serious about alternative sources of energy. With those 65 mph winds yesterday, you figure that we should have MADE energy instead of loosing it.

pree

more commercials

Another afternoon of watching commercials... reminiscing my childhood








Beautiful Coke Commercial (in spanish)


The craziest most messed up commercial

(at the end it reads: the person that takes you to heaven can also take you to death. Be safe, Wear condoms)

six words can say a lot

Last week I learnedabout a book called "Not Quite What I was Planning: Six Word Memoirs from Writers Famous and Obscure". It is a compilation of six-word memoirs. It is a New York Times bestseller and subject of hundreds of stories from The New Yorker to NPR .

"Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Last year, SMITH Magazine re-ignited the recountre by asking our readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”). "

So I've been reading a few of them, and coming up with my own... here are some I liked/wrote:
* Love like you have lost it.
* Laughed with me, now is silent
* Pivotal discoveries: clitoris, internet, gin, you.
* Regretted tomorrow's inaction before it passed.
* Want to be loved. Cant ask.
* Feel so alone in crowded room
* Started getting old, not growning up
* Scared shitless but keep pushing along


Here is a video on the book

Six-Word Memoir book preview from SMITHmag on Vimeo.

you wish he was yours

BF and I met up at crack of dawn today to have breakfast... though getting out of bed was rather challenging, i was extatic he was in such a good mood - making silly jokes and being funny and just plain out adorable. Fast forward a few hours and Im sitting at a rather boring meeting at work. I get a text:
" If girls with big boobs work at hooters, then where do girls with wooden legs work?... IHOP!"

Nothing like his adorableness to keep my day bright...
im so into him...

pree

living in color

As I said a while back, I dont want to live a G-rated life in black and white. Instead I want to feel alive with everything that comoes with it. Today I get to check something off from my bucket list... 'whitewater rafting'.


I came to visit Sasquash for the weekend in upstate NY and we took a day trip out to Black River for our first Whitewater rafting trip ever! It was amazing :o) We rafted 8 miles and it took just a couple of hours - not that we were going that slow, its just that we took breaks in between. Everything went well, noone from our raft fell out or got hurt, the sun was shining beautifully all day (not one cloud int he sky!), and to make things even better... although the river is only a level III in the summer, its been raining a lot and parts of it were a IV and IV+ !!! It was all graet - though Im sure my arms will be nothing by sore tomorrow. There was one time that I defitinely freaked out and was sure I was going to end up in a hospital... see, our guide was great and for the most part had us all feeling really confident except for this one section where before we went into the rapid, we eddied out and she had me and Sasquash (who were sitting in the front of the raft) move up near her... she told us to look into her eyes as she gave us instructions and prepped us for the rapid/drop. She told us what to do, what we were trying to avoid and what would happen if we fell into the water. She looked TOTALLY freaked out, and so I got freaked out too... and then to make matters worse, she put on her MOUTHGUARD! At which point I wondered... "shit, where is my mouthguard?" But we headed on... I nearly went flying out of our raft, time slowed down somehw and all I could do was paddle like she told us to and looked into the water that kept of smacking against us... but we all made it okay. Here is a picture of the raft getting ready to go into that rapid (UPDATED WITH MY NEW PICTURE - IM THE ONE ON FRONT RIGHT)

anyways... after all it was an amazing experience and I would do it again in a heartbeat! But for now, Im passing out...

pree

counting the hours to vacation

today just really isnt my day... I had to fight myself out of bed and was in the office by 7am. Work got progressively worse during the day. Im starting to get it to me personally - let me rephrase that - I continue to let it get to me personally. I left work wayy too late (almost 8pm) and am no where close being done with what I need to do.

I got an email today that left me open jawed... i have no idea what it is all about really (im actually just copied on it), but it gives me the impression that I have been lied to for years and years and this whole time was oblivious... The little (very little) i thought I knew this person, it now seems that even that little i didnt know at all and was wrong about.

Cleaning the kitchen and taking out loads of trasha fter all this was not fun... and now, at 1o.30PM (11 hrs after I had lunch) i made myself dinner - which given the state of my refrigerator is just a salad.

Now I need to muster the energy to go pack since im leaving for out of town straight from work - at least its for a vacation.

thank goodness the day is almost over... its about time.

pree

its anniversary time

One year since I've been in Cincinnati. One year in this apartment. One year living alone. Im so far from where I was a year ago and I am so happy with who I am. I have room to improve, but life is pretty darn good right now.

cuz i just need to complicate things - apparently

Official Notice - Im either crazy and I see problems wehre there are none, or the bf has got issues.
Honestly its probably a combination of both.

Ive been with this guy for a few months now and somehow I still feel like Im being judged, like Im still being measured and tested... you know that feeling you get when you meet someone new, or your ex's current, you feel you are being measured to see if you stack up. I told him about the constant testing and his defense was that "before marriage everything is like a test". which in all fairness is true... but you know, marriage or no marriage, if you are going to be with me, be with me! Its a freaking privilledge and yes it comes with good and it comes with bad so embrace it and quit with the tests... again, it may just be me being crazy me, but there has to be something wrong when I feel I have to watch what I say or do around someone i should feel myself with. I feel like Im ice skating and he is watching from the side lines, waiting to see if im worth joining on the ice with or not. F it! You are either in or you are out.

Maybe it is all this way bcuz I dont know if he will stick around if things get rough since I havent actually argued with him yet (not for lack of 'opportunities')... I feel like there have been a few times that we either disagreed or I said something that was CLEARLY not 'liked' and the response I get feels like he is physically taking a step away from me to reevaluate things or maybe reconcilliate his thoughts, to remind himself that maybe he should jsut stay on the side lines... it is much safer over there. It is such a cold and removed reaction... i dont know if im crazy, if its just his way of being, or if he is keeping his guards up.

I guess when you look at it its just a matter of trust. He doesnt trust me enough to put his guards down and I dont trust him bcuz I feel he has his walls up. How can I trust someone that I feel is always ready to retreat? If you are not commiting to it, then why should I even bother with you? If you have issues, own up to it and try to work it... if im just not worth you being upfront about it, then see your way to the door. (a little harsh, yes, but i love me first. we'll see about loving you when I feel you are actually in this with me)

maybe i am crazy, maybe im not. regardless if all of this is perception or reality, when it comes down to relationships and most things in life 'perception is reality'. So either things change or my mind changes pretty quickly here... we'll see where this all goes.

pree

ps: thank God he doesnt read my blog bcuz otherwise Id actually have to swallow all of this and probably just be passive-aggressive instead. (oh wait... I am already)

just another Monday

words to live by

I think its wonderful that technology now allows for people all over the world to connect with each other. That because of technology we can be inspired by others stories, and feel touched by their words, and change the way we live our lives... even when we never met.

Prof. Pausch without a doubt inspired thousands and thousands of people. He leaves us now but we should keep his message with us.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/07/25/obit.pausch/index.html

Others who have inspired me...



Pree

back from who knows where

oh blog of mine.. i have been so absent! and I have missed you. Between all the things that were going on in my life, I left you aside... and that vicious cycle of 'i should call, but its been so long i am embarrased' and you wait and wait and it gets even worse. But today is the day that I return to you. And I am happy to know that you still stand by me.

Lots of updates, to keep it short...
* work in europe was good but after May and June and all the work that came with it I am jaded and dont absolutely love my job as much anymore.
* Im well below average in satisfaction with my friends situation. Somehow I went out of town and now that Im back I feel like a total outsider with my 'friends'. The worse part is that I feel pretty strongly that Im not making it up in my head. C'est la vie. On the other hand Im going to visit Sasquash which Im super happy about.
* Things with the boyfriend are going well. I like him a lot, I dont know if he likes me as much which is kinda lame but its okay. We'll see where it all goes.
* Im getting back to the gym (finally!!!) and am trying to get my personal stuff back in order again.

I finished reading my book 'Eat, Pray, Love' and it really got my wheels turning. Im dying to write about it but want to dedicate it some good time.

Last but not least... the bf got me a fishy - 'Iggy' is what I call him.

off to clean the house (ewwwwww)

across the pond

I feel like an impostor, no I feel like I sell out. Just a year ago I was travelling the ‘rugged’ way – backpack up and down, sharing rooms and bathrooms, saving every penny to make the days last… now today I arrived in the UK in a business class flight retrieved my big luggage on wheels, took a cab to my hotel and now am sitting on my laptop at a starbucks in the center of town. Yup, a total sell out.

Not that there isn’t merit to this kind of travel… I'm sure there is and I'm just being judgemental (of myself and of others who travel this way). Perhaps I'm a little disenchanted because I am here for work after all. Maybe the disenchantment comes from this whole globalization thing… see I am sitting in a different continent and still see Subway sandwich bags on the floor, BP gas stations, McDonalds, Burger King, posters of American artists… maybe the language is part of the story. I can read all the signs, I can understand what people say easily… maybe it’s the not feeling like a total fish out of the water thing. I don’t know but I wont discard the trip just… after all I've just been here for a few hours. See I'm waiting for the shops and museums to open, so I can get a city map and figure out what this city has to offer – after all it must offer something. Every city somehow always has those random things that it clings to as its ‘claim to face’ be it a statue carved by someone who knew someone who carved a famous statue or the birthplace of a civilization.

Anyway… off to sit at Picaddilly Gardens and hopefully take a good nap under the warm sun. After all the sun hasn’t even risen at home just yet.

Pree

PS: After I typed this up I ended up peoople watching in the middle of a plaza, picnicking on this big garden and taking a good 45 minute nap under the sun alongside a bunch of Brits... starting to feel a little better :)

numbers open your eyes

Found this video earlier today... it really opened my eyes.

The official-ness of things

I know Ive been MIA, but Ive also been slaving away at work and trying to juggle sanity at the same time. So SHUSH dear reader(s), have some sympathy on me and read on as I have stories to tell and things to brag about :o) The stories shall come in the next few days but now that I have you sort of paying attention... some good update.

'He Who Shall Not Be Named Boyfriend (HWSNBNB)' is now officially boyfriend. (so... HWSNBNB-B) And when I say officially I mean on facebook official. oooohh!!! Didnt you know dear readers? Life has become that psychotic that the true sign of commitment is to be 'in a relationship' on facebook. If you think about it, its like a Public Service Announcement that says 'All yeh single people out there, this item no longer available in market. This is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by Facebook'. You think Im kidding? I talked to Sasquash on the phone today and I told him I had changed my facebook profile, his response said 'Serious! But just 'in a relationship right? not with him?' when I told him it was 'WITH' him he flipped out on me and told me 'moving a little fast there uh'. Which in all fairness, given how jaded ive been, it makes sense...











But who cares about facebook, billboards, or w/e... my co-workers says Im smitten... and I just really like the feeling of that :o) but I shall be more composed now, we dont want him to know that I like him too much!!!

Unfortunately off to work yet some more...
Pree

gimme a break

Work has been kicking my butt, but yesterday I got a nice treat... a GREAT treat actually. I left work early and went canooning and fishing at Winton Woods - a park in Cinci. It was amazing... the rowing, the nice breeze, the warm sun, the good chat, the silly attempts at casting a fishing line. It was a well deserved mental break... but now here I am. Up LATE trying to catch up on work.

Looking fwd to my next break.

Pree

PS: Kind of in love with David Cook

take 2

apparently my friday nights are now to be spent sleeping... yet again, I fell asleep shortly after I got home from work only to wake up at 6AM on Saturday. Since I had just gotten home from work, my phone was on silent so I missed tons of calls/texts and Friday night plans. However, it seems I did need the sleep. This past week was really demanding and I didnt really accomplish much which has made me feel like crap. Thats what happens when you are that personally committed in your job... I just let it get to me, and then things dont fare so well. But Im glad I got my rest... the day is rising and it seems that its going to be a good one.

The waking up early was actually really good bcuz I caught my parents before they left for London and hence I was able to tell my mom Happy Mothers Day.

So it turns out that one of the many perks of my job is International Travel. I am getting my info together now, but I will be spending 2 weeks for work in the UK. Manchester and London. It should be fun seeing that when I was there last summer I had almost cashed out by the time that I got to London. The best part is that, if you remember, my stepdad is going to be living in London already so I can see him; and even better my mom/sisters/grandma/aunt will all be vacationing in France the following week. What that means is... I can just hop on the chunnel and meet them in Paris for a few days before I come back to the US.

Anyways... off I go to figure out what side trips to take during my three weekends in Europe.

food for thought

Yesterday at work I heard a training that ended with the presenter (a soon to retire senior leader) giving us some advice on how to be successful at work. I strongly agreed with most of his points and felt (as usual) reaffirmed that Im in the right place... He had 10 tips to success which were all supported by catchy quotations. I copied them down and here they are for your entertainment....

1) Some things you must see to believe, other you must believe to see.
2) Dont let having faith prevent you from seeking truth
3) Hoping for the best is not a strategy
4) Failing to prepare is preparing to fail
5) Strike first, strike fast, strike hard.
6) Why dont lions hunt mice? Bcuz even if they catch them, they'll starve / Its not often easy, not often kind... you have to make up your mind
7) People dont fear dying as much as living anonymously
8) If you and I see everything the same way, one of us is redundant... and its not me
9) Work as hard as you play; play as hard as you work / The difference between tragedy and comedy is just time
10) Say waht you mean, and mean what you say

Power of the Preposition

Yesterday I had my weekly 1-on-1 with one of my coworkers. The main goal of these meetings are for us to keep each other on the loop and get any help we need. I thought everything was fine and dandy seeing that I had spent quite some time getting her the info she had asked for.... but within 15 seconds of our meeting starting she gave me a disclaimer that basically meant 'put on your thick skin because here comes my mighty roar'. Well, although she said a million times and thought she was bitching TO me, she was really bitching AT me. It made my really good day really crappy really fast.

Highlights of the bitching... her accusations:
- 'I dont understand why you are holding back information from me',
- 'No matter what, you are not helpful',
- 'You dont cooperate',
- 'Do I have to go to X and Y (my managers) to get things working?'
- 'You arent letting me do my job'

But what REALLY REALLY REALLY pissed me off was this stupid and patronizing comment 'You are not set up for success, its just too much for you to handle' and this attitude of 'poor you, you just shouldnt be expected to do all that'. Really? SHUT UP LADY! Dont assume I cant do my job because quite frankly no matter how long you've been at the company, you've known me for 2 weeks and you have NO idea what Im capable of.

I understand she is stressed because she wants control, wants to understand and isnt able to... I get it, but guess what? Thats how this project works... DEAL WITH IT! Ive learned to adapt, what makes you think anyone will make special rules for you? If it depends on me, you will have to change just like I did. Its the right of passage.

I know Im bitchy about it now but how did I behave in the midst of all this 'constructive' feedback? Really well. Well-composed, not defensive, and I listened. Yeah getting the short end of the stick without deserving it ruined quite a bit of my day and productivity, but Im glad I know I can take it and she just lost credibility with me.

bitching at me? my ass. Go bitch at someone else. If I dont get an apology, none of me jumping through hoops for you from here on.
I cant handle my work?! You have no idea who you are dealing with.

torn

I believe that one of the most hurtful things one can do is ignore someone else. Although noone wants to be disliked, or mad at, even if it seems negative it still means they are important enough for you to acknowledge their existence, but when you ignore someone it turns them into something insignificant. And we all know we all crave and hunger to be wanted, needed and loved. See, Im not THAT mean. But then what do i do? Oh Priscila... where is all this going? As usual my rambling goes no where... im frustrated at this.

As I mentioned the other day, Ive been trying not to think of a friend. But its his birthday today... I should call him, text him or in some way, shape or form acknowledge his existence; and yet, I just dont know if I should... See, through his actions he has made it clear that I mean nothing to him so why bother. I could be a silly girl and rationalize myself out of this and make excuses for him - "he is afraid ill be mad" or "he is too proud to say sorry". But why make excuses for a grown man? 'I should be the bigger person' you'll say... but what do I have to win? I dont know... it is true that what I get from him I dont get from anyone else (so far)... but I dont know if its worth it anymore. Our relationship has almost always been about me trying, working and leaving wanting.

So to call or not to call, that is my question...
What kills me, is that Im not surprised all this happen.

Torn - Pree.

speechless

after you've been around the block a few times, you think you've seen it all. Then you learn something different... and all of a sudden, six months seem like it is just too far away. So to entertain myself, Im looking at fun travel spots and procrastinating at getting work done.
happy sunday :o)

PS: Gorgeous flower I saw at the flower show.

bcuz sleeping in is overrated?

It is 6AM on a Saturday morning, why would I be sitting here blogging you may ask me... oh! See thats what I ask myself too. Between not much sleep, too much work and some frustration I got home yesterday at 5 (yup, got home at 5) showered and decided to lay down for a "few" minutes. It is now Saturday early morning... I slept 12 hours straight. Its a blessing! Its a curse too seeing that tonight ill get tired super early...but at least I get a chance to catch you up on some of my life seeing that the rest of the world is rightly asleep.

Big things first, I had my six month review at work this week; no big surprises. Went pretty smooth even though I was sure one of my managers was going to be in a crappy mood but he wasnt. The main thing I apparently need to work on is 'business maturity'. What the heck is that?! They gave me examples, and went around in circles reminding me that I should still bring myself to work... cant they just say XYZ you do sucks, change it? No... they have all this p.c. and flowery discussion so I have to sit here and try to figure out what they mean by it bcuz for sure my review in July will involve improvement in that area. There I go missing R again, he is the only person I can think of that would talk to me about how I can be successful at work.

On another work note, the next 2 months are going to be a total and utter bitch. Between all the research and travel I'll have to do, and all the stress that everyone else is going to be under, life isnt going to be fun. I already know my weekends will be owned. Im planning on starting going in at 7 so I can actually leave at a decent hour. I should get a damn raise if I make it through the next few months... perk? I may be going to the UK on their dollar AND I can extend and make a vacation out of it too :o) dying to see Spain.

Now on to the personal life... or whatever of it I still have left. Happy because its summer; Im gonna eat more veggies and fruits and grill outside and have lots of after work happy hours. I am looking forward to summer day trips and white water rafting. All the great festivals will arive and I will be happy too.

Love life, seems to be going in the positive direction (which is a tad scary) and Im gonna make the most of it. Its making me laugh and smile (and be unproductive at work) and brings all that non-necessary stress that I bring to my life. But its fun!

But friends, that department isnt doing so well for a little while now.... it turns out Fourth of July plans are shot! Can you believe that? Its our ONE tradition and we arent doing it? :o( Its karma for me skipping last year. Things with 58 are pretty darn good, Sasquash and I are getting farther apart and its freaking me out, MRX and I are actually real friends which is amazing, Slippers and I havent really talked in almost a month... friends here in Cinci are okay - that same old struggle, I try and try but it seems the kind of friends I want is not the ones they tend to be, so Im learning to deal with that. Strawberry is the only one I can really count on, and even she I havent been seeing much. Cant have it all I guess.

Anyways... off I go have some breakfast and a good read of my new book...

Pree

commitment-phobic?

I know Ive been absent for a little while, but forgive me for having a life... okay, maybe I dont have one but let's indulge me can we?! Today we can talk about, 1) my fabulous new haircut 2) my current luv-life situation 3) my lack of sex 4) work/weather/other boring topic.

I sure could talk about topic 3 quite a bit, but instead of sitting here and feeling sorry for myself, why dont we talk about topic 2 - much more entertaining.

Anyways... since we last talked about this I've had quite some attention on the guy department. Between random texts/calls from ex's, facebook msgs and Mr. Engineer giving away that he is wayyyyy too into me, Ive had some ego-boosting moments. As I had promised I went out with Mr. Engineer again. Surprise, surprise, we had dinner. Decent place, again he spent quite a bit. The date was totally uneventful... the only things worth mentioning are: he is so NOT as attractive as I thought he was, he didnt dress to impress (and he didnt) and I told him I was out of town this weekend so I wouldnt have to deal with him asking me out.

Friday night I saw the flower guy (and got more flowers!) - It was a 7 hr 'date', dinner with 12 of his friends and then my first bonfire! It was a really good time, but stirred up thoughts in my head. Dont get too excited, I dont have the balls to type those thoughts just yet. Let's just say that as the mysteriousness unveils I have to remind myself to not overthink and overanalyze things as I am so prone to. So Saturday night, I hung out with flower guy again (9 hr 'date')... I know! I know! Dont lecture me, I know I shouldnt see him so often (and for so long). But who am I to follow dating rules? Im not as confident of how well this would turn out so maybe I should try to stick to at least some rules... uh..nah!
Well, so Saturday we had this very awkward moment where I was talking to this woman at the Cinci Flower show, and when he approaches me she says 'oh so you are the boyfr-' at which point we both tell her that no, no, not boyfriend. Certainly not boyfriend. (hell just the thought gives me the creeps!) But not to worry, like smart people we just ignored the moment... until silly him brought it up a few hours later!!! But it is okay... I think we are both in a space that says 'here just for fun'.

Seeing that we just started seeing each other and have an agreement that we date other people, I wont pull out the criteria list for comparison yet. Or get my hopes up for that matter, after all it is life and it all could go to shit next week.

Damn, I sound so bitter... Am I becoming commitment-phobic? Maybe just enjoying life as it comes... we'll see.

Ta-ta for now!
pree

boring family update

I talked to my mom yesterday... one of those 'we both know you are moving back home' type of conversations. 'In 5 or 6 years you will long for home; because here is where your roots are and you will come home'. I couldnt disagree more... I think only a terminal illness would have me move back (and God forbid that ever happens). How can she think my roots are there? I left Brazil I was a little girl; I know noone, my portuguese sucks, and did I mention Ive lived more out of brazil than in brazil? Not much to hold on to...

In better news, my sister just got to Germany yesterday. She will be studying there for the next month or so... Im so jealous! I should have studied abroad in college. Anywyas, we got to talk for a long time and I got to see her as well (yay for Skype).

More 'good' news, my dad had surgery and it went well. :o)

Now off to the gym, just wanted to say hi!

Pree

PS: YAY FOR LEAVING WORK BEFORE 5 TODAY!!!!!!

possible connondrum approaching

Warning.. blogging while tipsy....

Hello! Hello! I just got home from a 'date'... dont judge me, it wasnt with the flower guy; we will call this one Mr. Engineer. On paper he is kinda really good looking, hell in person he is really good looking... chemistry? A little but not much... why did I go on a date with him given my past posts about the flower guy? Well, bcuz I feel I should. For my sake, and for flower guy's sake. This guy was nice... funny, smart, dorky, cute smile... but something about him said 'here i am, come to me if you like' and I wasnt all into running into his arms.... somehow I didnt feel that 'magnetic' attraction.. like i said, he seems to have a lot going for him but i just didnt feel much... We just went for drinks (for which he paid quite a bit for)
to make a long story short, I dont know if i wasnt bananas about this guy bcuz he wasnt great, or i kinda really do like the flower guy or if i just wanted things to go poorly so that i didnt have to deal with the idea of the flower guy not being all that great.

I dont know..., all I know is that yeah, I had a good time... but damn, I can barely wait to see the flower guy this week. i just never thought that these 'free dinners' would turn into more...

will keep you posted

'holidays' just bring back memories

Today is the Orange and Blue game... Im not there to watch, or to tailgate, or to cheer with Mr. 2Bits... but I cant help but remember that I spent the last two with you and how much fun it was. You hurt me a lot; I haven't thought about you in the last couple of months... but today I miss you and it reminds me of how angry you've made me. You are not worth me thinking about.

heartbreaker? nah

'So you've figured me out uh?'
'I think so...'
'Tell me more.'
'I think you are a heartbreaker.'
'What?! Why would you think so?!'
'I dont know, dont worry about it.'

Oh boy! I hope I dont loose this one just yet... I think some guys Ive dated have indeed gotten their heart broken but I wouldnt call myself a heartbreaker. See, its not that hard... stick to who you are, dont constantly bend over backwards for me, and keep me challenged... otherwise things get sower and I get labeled the 'b*tch'... for waht? knwoing what I want?

Hell, after half of the things I said today he might not want to hang out with me again :o/ I gotta remember to tone myself down just a little bit...

Anyways... beautiful flowers from my date today :o) oh they are soooo me!!! So me! How did he know I am not crazy about roses and such?! Well, brownie points...

I think Im starting to like this guy a little more than I had planned...
not good.... will keep you posted.

Pree

PS: Favorite quote of the nite? 'Im parched'

when the clock strikes midnight

yay for surprises... and good night kisses :o)

kinda nervous. kinda excited. not going to overthink any of this.

Pree

prince in shinning armor NOT

Outrageous. Funny. Ridiculous. Conceded. You pick the adjective. I tell the story.

Yesterday I am stuck in traffic next to this guy. Eventually he waves to me and I realize that I know him from work. He is new to the city and we just met for the first time a few weeks ago. Recognizing him (and because its habit) I wave back.

A little later, he texts me... we exchange a few messages about 'stalking' each other. Nothing special. In one of the msgs I say 'Maybe if I stalk u later this wk we can get together smtime'.

Anywyas... today he msgs me at work in the end of the day. He wants to know where I sit. He walks to my desk and leave to the parking lot together. We say goodbye and split up... or so i thought! Once I get to my car, I turn around and there he is behind me. (okay.....) He shows me his phone, my text and he tells me 'We need to talk about this. This is awkward. I have a girlfriend'. Then a discombobulated conversation followed where I say he misunderstood, and that I just suggested we hang out (seeing that we are both new to the city). He tells me how my msg was weird, my response? Im glad you mentioned it because I would have never noticed what that he interpreted I wanted to have his babies and it would be awkward if we didnt straighten things out... not for me, seeing that I was oblivous to his STUPID misterpretation. Apologies followed. I told him not to worry bcuz now I know not to invite him anywhere again. He didn't like that I said that. So I said ball is in his camp - and am seriously deleting his number.

Now... how high is this guy up on his horse to think, to consider, to ASSUME that I was interested in him??? Really dude? Really? No offense but even if I got paid to I wouldnt date you. And the way he approached it?!? He could have asked what I mean or something... anything would be better than the way he did it.

Dont get me wrong... I date out of my league. But I wouldnt even consider you! Especially now that you've proven to think WAYYY to highly of yourself.

Pree

Dance Party Fridays

Found this in a website I read... I think you'll love it!
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If you’re ever awake at 5:45 am on Fridays, watching the Channel 12 traffic report - and if you’re like me, you aren’t - then you may have already seen this.
If it’s Friday, and there are no major accidents, the 5:45 am traffic report on Fridays is Dance Party Friday.
Spotted in this eyar’s CityBeat Best of Cincinnati issue under Best Fender-Bender in Funkytown, it’s always nice to see people in the public eye who have a sense of humor. There’s plenty more Dance Party Friday videos on their YouTube channel.

what a date!

There are dates, and then there are Dates... I just got home from the latter :o)

I woke up this morning to find the following email in my inbox: 'Hey Cutie! If you let me (and have the evening free), Id like to make up for beating you at bowling the other night! I have something cool in mind for tonight, if you'll indulge me! Let me know if you're game and I'll set the plans. I'll pick you at 6:30PM.'

It was a nice email to start the long day... I obviously agreed! I didnt find out where we were going until we were on our way (performing arts center), and didnt find out what we were watching (Golden Dragon Chinese Acrobat show) until we were there. I have to say I am totally and utterly impressed! It was an amazing surprise! Just earlier this week I was going through some email and saw an 'ad' for the Acrobat Show and was thinking that it would have been nice to go but it was probably too late to get tickets...

The show was amazing, dinner afterwards was lots of fun, the ride back was filled with interesting conversation... now I get to lay in bed and hear the rain hitting my window putting me to sleep...

For someone who didnt want to get out of bed this morning, the day (and night) turned out great!

Pree

random thoughts

- i think my gyno lives in my building. Kinda not important, but kinda weird!!! As I was walking to my car this morning I saw him, and did a double take! How weird! I know he is not thinking of my unmentionables (at least i hope he is not) but its kinda weird...

- i got a present today! true i got it myself, but it was so nice to come home and find my usps sitting at my door!!!

- i got dave mathew concert tickets last weekend. I sit on the fence on dave, but everyone says he is so great in concert. Today I found out his concerts at river bend used to suck a few years because of some issues he had with River bend... bummer! Couldnt I have heard this a week before... it better be good.

- work is kicking my butt... im drinking and drinking this wknd.

pree

my long distance relationship

Ive come to realize that Ive been in a long distance relationship for a few months now... Im in love with Summer, summer has been gone but my love continues strong. It looks like a long distance relationship!!! I spend hours every week going through all my memories, I look at pictures and reminisce how nice things used to be. I spend a lot of time thinking of how great things will be once summer is back... I tell myself to just wait a little longer and things will be better. I fantasize of all the things I want to do... grilling, tanning, white water rafting, picnics, skirts, strappy shirts, sweating, flip flops... I sit in front of the heater and imagine the sun hitting my face... oh summer! I want it to come already!

Pree

what a week!!

So yesterday I got a citation on my way to work. It was for having an outstanding ticket. Today, driving to Columbus.. I got pulled over by a cop. Speeding. 83 on a 65. Ticket. Just my luck...

what a day!

Had to fight myself out of bed... got stuck with a train on the way to work... shortly after got pulled over by a cop and got a citation... got to my meeting late... was double booked most of the day with some of the worst cramps ive had.. and got out of work the latest I ever ever ever have... off to research and a long day tomorrow... Good thing i love my job otherwise id be screwed.... Can barely wait for friday though.
Now its time for wine and tv...

pree

almost doesnt count

As you probably know, Ive been living in the US by myself for more than 5 years now. This year my sister moved to France. I got a call this week and now my parents will soon be hailing the queen of England. Crazy, uh? My dad is moving first and my mom will wait til the end of the year and follow. So this summer, my dad will be living in the UK, my mom in Brazil, me in the US and my sister in Germany. No matter the distance we still keep in touch... Its amazing how small the world is becoming; its impressive how technology helps us stay connected when even by todays means, it would take hours and hours to go be each other. We will be in four different time zones which will make keeping in touch a little tricky but still totally doable!

When we first left Brazil in 1995, I could have never imagined that one day the easiest way for my family to get together would be for all of us to fly into Paris, which is what we are doing this summer! What a privileged girl you'll say. Its true. I am. I am the luckiest person Ive ever met. I have no right to complain. Ive had opportunities that many ppl dream of. And for a long time Ive been used to the idea of living 'alone and abroad'.

But now the news of my parents moving to London, got me thinking... no matter how lucky Ive been, or how enabling technology can be, you stretch and stretch but never reach... now I cant help but wonder if the price is worth it. My parents sure miss my sister and I - I always knew this was hard on them. I never put much thought into me, and the price I pay. Im alone in this huge country; sure I have some friends who I can call upon. But for the most part, Im pretty alone here and sometimes it sure feels that way. Other than a job (which in all fairness I do love), Cincinnati has nothing else for me. But why move, anywhere else in this country would be just as empty.

From this perspective it makes me think Im strong, independent and mature... makes me think I live for me and noone else... but I think it also explains why Ive held friends and boyfriends so high in my esteem, even when they didnt reciprocate. Its human to want to belong, and today I am feeling like I dont anywhere. And days like today technology isnt quite up to where it should be. But this too shall pass... after all, Ive learned to ignore the things that make me sad.

empathy alright

Today I put on 30 pounds! THIRTY! All in my belly and boobs... my belly was so big I couldnt see my toes much less my knees. I waggled instead of walk, I leaned forward instead of stand straight, and squating was plain out impossible! Sitting down and getting up was the work out of my life!!! They call it an empathy belly, I call it birth control.

little big book

There is nothing more special than getting a surprise gift! No matter whats inside, it says 'I thought of you', it says 'I wanted to see you smile just because...'
I guess I cant say that I am TOTALLY surprised by getting something last week, it was a 'special' day but I didnt see it coming, I honestly wasnt expecting it... I know better than to not fall for him, but from time to time he gets me thinking 'wat-ifs'. Silly, silly me! But how can I not with someone who makes me smile just because!

Anyways... after reading the card I finally looked at the gift - a book. I wish I could have seen my face as I took it in and flipped through the pages... as you know my face is, well, very expressive and it must have been funny to watch as the expressions changed along with my thoughts. Now, my mind? Curiosity, confusion, wonderment, excitement, more confusion and then I was between offended and pleased?! Was this an invitation? Criticism? or just a friendly hand? Because of the card (and the boy) I will assume the latter... now needless to say, it is a fun little book! Ready to put it to good use!!!
Pree

to buy or not to buy

So I went checking out places yesterday. Places as in houses and condos... to buy. Well, tecnically it wasnt for me. I just went for the ride, just to keep Strawberry company. But you know... they were all in my price range (IF i was to buy which Im not), and they were all 1 or 2 bedrooms which is what Id want (IF i was to buy which Im not) and though i hated some i defitinely liked others (IF i was to buy which im not). Anyways... this was dangerous because now Im thinking that buying may be a good investment. Its got me thinking that maybe its the best thing for me to do right now. Yes its a big commitment, but I am not planning on leaving Cinti for at least the next 3 years - if not more!

IF I do decided to maybe possibly consider start thinking of eventually buying, I will have to think through criteria.. and I found just the number one below:

secret.. what?

Ran into this cartoon today and just had to share...

http://www.daniellecorsetto.com/gws.html

snowmaggedon

You may have been worried that Ive been missing for a while (alright maybe not) but fear not dear friends, I have survived the unprecedented, un-natural 'SNOWMAGEDON'! I can finally step outside of my Armageddon Shelter and say hello to ye faithful reader(s) (somebody is gotta be out there?! right?!? hello...)

Alright, so maybe you didnt hear about the our near-death experience in Cinci. But for the past few days we saw over 15" of snow in less than 2 days (which is HUGE for Cincinnati).

From my short past experience, the news will call a big snow storm the 'White Death'. But no, this time it was more than just that...

The weather forecast was officially "Blizzard".
We had a 'Level 3 Snow Warning' and when I went on the road Saturday 11:30 AM the big signs on I-71 S read "Level 3 Snow Warning. Only EMERGENCY vehicles on the roads"... and seriously, all I saw on the expressway were - NOT emergency vehicles - people pulled over to the side to take pictures of snowangels or something on I-71. It was 11:30 AM, and they had just sorta plowed my parking lot... they had sorta salted the streets near my house and they had NOT plowed or salted the expressway!!! See picture below:


Apparently they didnt think it was necessary to make the roads driveable! Well, after all where would people go... everything was closed! The gym, the restaurants, the mall... no sign of the postman or life anywhere really! All of Cincinnati was in a 'bomb-shelter' waiting for the Snowmagedon to pass...

Oh Cincinnati... Im new to all this and I didnt make THAT big deal of it all.
Now let's see how long it will take for the snow to melt... I say 5 days at least.

Pree

PS: Totally unrelated... but if you missed the Daily Show on Thursday, you gotta watch this

useless talent # 57

I went back to college this weekend... you think it was all drinking and partying? No I tell you! I went to college and am returning home with a new skill...

My useless talent #57....

Being a shirt ninja!



And my awesome teacher:

Facebook I love thee

Apparently somebody is having mood swings today.... sorry for the bitching earlier today. I was being cranky and just ranting... I will jsut keep this short so it wont get out of control. Its a happy one too :o)
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Because I moved schools/cities/countries a few times, Ive rarely kept in touch with people. Lately I got back in touch with a friend from High School and that was an accomplishment for me. BUT today I checked facebook and ta-dah! I get a message and a friend invite from someone I went to middle school with, someone who I last spoke to 9 years ago, when I lived in Paraguay!

This 'encounter' got me really excited about 'hunting' for friends from before; more people whose faces were still engraved in my head but who I havent heard of in 9 years. After putting my best stalking skills to the test, I found (and in one way or another messaged) about 5 of them.

They are all grown up now... but their pictures are a dead give-away that they are the same people. They all seem to have made great things out of the last 9 years. Some of them even live in the US now! One of them messaged me back with a long email; she invited me to visit in Boston. Im gonna message her back, and may take her up on it sometime.

Yay for finding old friends again! (and yay for current friends too!!!)

Pree

Beware of TOM

I am feeling uneasy today... Cant put my finger on it, but it may be that the weather sucks AGAIN; or that Im not saving money or loosing weight; or that some of my friends have really pushed my buttons on wrong Time Of the Month...

Friend 1: You said you wouldnt put it past me to do something that could ruin your 'possible new' relationship. Really!? really!? I joke around that I wanna get into bed with you, but rest assured its a JOKE... Im glad to know how little you think of me... you are supposed to know me; but apparently you dont. This is the second time Ive ever been mad at you, you hurt me a lot.

Friend 2: STOP TALKING ABOUT WORK! I never see you, and when I do you talk about work, work, work. You gotta have more to your life than that! Im starting to think there is nothing to you... because other than work Im not sure what else we could talk about!

Friend 3: You say you wanna 'take care of me'; dont you see its not your place to do that? you say you want us to be closer and hang out more often; everytime you ask to I hang out with you, even though at times we end up fighting. You complain that I have other friends and that you arent a huge/exclusive part of my life; if u dont want to hang out in a group fine/np but say-so before, you are not my end-all be-all. Dont you get it? You made your bed, now lye in it. Sex or no sex, you dont get to have a pseudo in me. Maybe its not ur intention, but im not willing to find out. Maybe you mistake my kindness for stupidity but be certain that you dont get another chance to hurt me. Just be happy that somebody cares about you as deeply as I do. Dont fuck it up a.g.a.i.n.

Friend 4: I DONT LIKE YOU. Ive tried every trick and every tactic to tell you without being completely and utterly rude. BACK OFF!!

Friend 5: You never plan anything, and when I or others do you decide to join. Thats fine. But dont you dare come and complain; dont you dare tell me that this isnt what you wanted/were hoping. If you dont want to hang out with me, or go to where I suggest we go, then either plan something yourself, dont f...ing come or SHUT THE F UP!

Being angry at all of them just makes me angry at myself. Angry for caring and for thinking that whatever they said/did was a one time thing.

Pree

shoot em up or bourbon

tonight is a lunar eclipse, and i missed it. Largely because its too cold to step outside... but partially because I am so stuffed! I made fabulous dinner and we ate and watched some ridiculous movie "Shoot Em Up". God awful!! So ridiculous it was hillarious.... but then again, with a name like that what else could we expect.

Not thankfully this wasnt the highlight of my week this far (although it was nice). This past weekend I went with some friends to check out the Bourbon Trail - very neat stuff. It is only about a 2 hour drive from Cinci and we visit a few distillerys. Great stuff! Woodford Reserve was my favorite because of the high quality, small scale production they have. Very neat! But Makers Mark was a little more 'main stream' where they let us stick our fingers in the yeast and barley and taste it!! I know it all gets fermented, and filtered here and there and eventually turns to alcohol so my fingers wont make that much of a difference... but they probably have about 8 tours per day with about 15-20 people each. Thats a LOT of dirty fingers and now just makes me think of bourbon in a bit of a different light. But its alright, bcuz Im not a HUGE fan anyways.

After we visited the distillery's we stayed the night at a B&B in Louisville and WOW, WOW... left me speechless. I'll post some pics on it. It was the most beautiful, museum-looking place Ive ever been in... it did come with its challenges, such as a bathroom in the room without a door. Usually not a problem, as long as you are not sharing a room with a guy... yeah! that made it tricky!! And no shower head; just a tub with a spout. Beautiful place thought :) Pictures to come soon.



Pree

fat ass

I saw a man today.
He had a Slim Fast can in his hand.
He walked into a Starbucks while I was waiting for my coffee in the car.
He finished the can and threw it away as he walked into the store.
I figured he must have tons of control to drink nasty Slim Fast while working at yummy Starbucks.
A few minutes passed...
The man walked out of the store; with a VENTI on his hand!!!

What was the point of the Slim Fast? Was that your appetizer?

home is where?

You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home any more. All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your shit that idea of home is gone. You'll see one day when you move out. Just sorta happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know.

Garden State

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Home. Should be a simple concept – too bad it isnt. Home is where the heart is; but what if your heart is nowhere? Home sweet home; I hope for that, but what if I don’t know where that is? Home alone seems to be the best phrase to describe my ‘really, really’ today.

Yes, home can be a brick building with windows and a yellow door. But home can be that smell of home cooked meal, it can be that warm spot on the couch under a soft blankie, it can be the sound of a familiar voice or resting your head on someone’s chest. Just the thought of these previous sentences make me want to cry… because as much as these things could feel like home, they don’t. They are thoughts and images that I feed myself to try and ease the discomfort.

So silly of me I know. But see, for years ive been so homesick. Time and time again I find myself longing for something.. maybe something familiar, maybe a place, or a person/people… so many times ive cried bcuz no matter how many ppl are on my cellphone list, or how many friends I have on facebook… sooner or later it catches up with me again, I start feeling lonely and homesick.

I don’t know what it is that I long for… but I do, with every inch of me. Its this ache in my chest, it’s a hollowness I feel, where I just curl up into a ball under the covers and cry in an attempt of shedding all the loneliness and emptiness I feel. But of course you never see that! I work so hard to smile, to be positive, to be outgoing and light-hearted… I build this big front and only let a few people see how sadness takes over at the most opportune times.

I got asked today – told actually – that I don’t know what its like to be home sick, that I easily create a community, that here I am in a new city and have a close group of friends already. It seems that my front is working after all…

My friend who asked me about this is going through this too… and I'm so sorry… because I know there is nothing I can do to make it better. I told her to try making new friends, signing up for activities where she can meet new people, to remember I'm always a phone call away… I realized that these are things I do. These are things I get myself busy with… so that maybe I can not only fool others but I can start fooling myself.

Im slowly starting to realize that I build a world of lies for me… that its much easier to fool myself than it is to change the world. Fake it til you make it. As long as you make it before you break…

What breaks my heart isn’t so much that I believe thousands of people are out there homesick and feeling this void just like I am… the worse part is that I don’t know if we can be ‘home’ to each other at all…

Whether I have one or not, I just want to be home…

Pree

yay for fridays

( I had this long and relatively humorous post but my browser crashed and I had to start from scratch... AHHHH!!!... so this post is just a quick recap without all the fun and spunk)

Im so happy its Friday!

This week was training week at work which means that I got to spend everyday with my class (YAY!) but work didnt stop so I had to work at night and have tons of stuff to do this wknd.... on a happier note, I got my car back (looks gorgeous!), got back into going to the gym, went to dinner at this new place 'Nada' (an upscale mexican restaurant/bar) and went to Tropicana for Salsa night yesterday til past 2AM! Other stuff happened this week, but that iwll have to wait for another day.

Alright.. its nap time! There is no way I'll be able to hold myself together tonight if I dont take on a vegetative state for a few hours =o)

Got figure out plans but Im stocked about the weekend!

pree

work hard, play harder

I went to bed Thursday night in the middle of a terrible storm in Chicago... I was sure the weekend was going to be good but also dreary and cold - not that special. It is now Sunday afternoon, Im sitting at O'Hare and I coming to realize that I couldnt have been more wrong. The last 56 hours have been nothing but spectacular!

I spent the whole time with one of my old friends from high school (lets call her Money, bcuz she is bound to make tons of it). We had an amazing time all weekend. We shopped (yay for new earrings!), we slept, we 'rocked' at the Matchbox Twenty (and Alanis Morissette) concert, we ate great food, we shopped for condos and lofts to buy... and if it wasnt enough, the cherry on top... Money insisted we went out last night to a place called Martini Park and it was G R E A T ! To make a great and long (but not long enough) story short, it can basically be summed up to 'Wow! Wow!' or 'Damn, I wish I lived in Chicago'. Even Money was surprised at how great this guy was... and she tends to disaprove of anyone I pick... I have this silly smile on my face today... you know THAT smile that you get the morning after, the one that ppl look at you and just wish they were smiling half as much as you are, the one that says 'im lost in my memories and i dont want to get back'... I have THAT smile but honestly not THAT much happened, but what did was great.

Now off to fly home, drink lots of liquids... and maybe go to a Super Bowl party.
Ive been thinking, and I think Ive been making really good use of my weekends :o) Can barely wait for next Friday!

pree

Murphys Law at work

Anything that could possibly go wrong, did... no, not true. I have no doubt that things can get worse, they can always get worse. But seriously, I have been 'in transit' for the last NINE hours.

It all began with some 'hightened' security in the CVG airport because of a threat earlier on Tuesday. Going through Security Clearance was harder than getting an appointment at the gyno (which has a 3 month lead time), and let me tell you it was almost as bad.

Flight was delayed slightly, connecting flight in Detroit was delayed slightly.... we get on the plane, it pushes off, we head to the runway but suddenly the pilot turns off the engines. We waited for 20 minutes for take off clearance from Chicago. Yes, we couldnt leave Detroit because Chicago said they had too many planes flying in and we had to be bumped to later. After waiting the 20 minutes, they make us wait another 25, then we finally take off.

Im glad I didnt eat at the airport, because if I had the passengers around me would have gotten a good look at my dinner. The flight was SO bumpy that I actually pulled out the little vomit bag (just in case). We approach Chicago but the pilot tells us we have to circle around for 20 minutes because we are on queue.

When its finally our turn, the pilot starts his crazy descent... the plane is shaking up and down, to the sides, completely out of control. I look out the window and see nothing but white (and some shining lights). Im exhausted... the wheels are lowered, we are getting close, we are finally in Chicago! But wait... the plane kicks up and starts going higher. It retracts the wheels... Im angry that we are going to spin around waiting some more but the pilot comes on and says "Sorry folks, as you can see we didnt land. We lost stability around 6 miles away and with the storm couldnt regain it. Also, visibility right now is zero. We dont have enough fuel to keep on circling and waiting for the storm, so we are going to Minneapolis."

After the additional 50 minute bumpy ride, we arrive to a windy city and NEGATIVE FOURTEEN degrees (without windchill factor). We get off... I am wearing clothes for 35 degrees (not -14). Tired, angry, cold... I receive a voucher for hotel, dinner and a rescheduled flight. The icing on the cake... I am also not allowed to get my suitcase.

So here I am... too angry to sleep, sitting (and sleeping) on the same clothes Ive worn almost all day.

The hotel... a Days Inn. It doesnt even begin to compare to the W in Downtown Chicago which is where I should have been.
The dinner... its a 13$ voucher, that is only accepted by this obscure place near the hotel that is taking 45 minutes to deliver. Watch out with the feast now, dont go spending the whole 13$ at once.
And now... for my rescheduled flight... according to the airline I wont be arriving in Chicago til noon tomorrow. So the plan is to wake up in 4.5 hours (at 5 AM Central) and go wait at the airport on a wait list for every flight that leaves before mine.

All this crap makes me feel that much more alone... call me drama-queen, but it feels like shit when all this crap happens and I get to sit in this old hotel, have noone to report my 'arrival' to and have no voicemails...

You can never deny Murphy's law. If something can go wrong... it will.

silence

i dont write to have traffic through my page. i dont write to put on a front. i dont write so that you'll read (as a matter of fact, im surprised any time anyone says they read any of this). i dont write for you, or for others or to document my life. i write for me, because it helps me think of what i feel, what i believe and what i want. i write because sometimes the silence feels like its giong to kill me and talking aloud to myself doesnt make me feel better.

but i started writing today and realized that i am cheating myself... because there are things that i want to write (today and other days), and i dont. sometimes i dont write things because putting it 'on paper' makes it real. sometimes i dont because i just dont know what i really think. sometimes i dont because it makes me cry too much. but i really cheat myself when i dont write because of you... sometimes i dont write things because it is just a small part of me and you may read it and make it out to be the whole me. sometimes i dont want to because im afraid if you read it, you wont bother to ask me how im doing. sometimes i write in hopes you'd read, but in the end i know u dont.

tonight silence may be cheating but it is my best bet.

pree

ps: its going to be a lonely week

couldnt hav been better if i had planned

So last night I planned on laying on my couch and stuffing my face... but somehow around 10.30PM those plans changed a bit... its 4PM, and I just got home! Not quite sure when or how I fell asleep, but it had be around 5 and it definitely wasnt in my bed.
So much for not having weekend plans... but damn, sure started it with a bang!

pree

deep breath, deep breath

The phone hasnt rang much lately... but the last few times it did, I rather it just hadn't... maybe its this whole 'jan 24 is the most depressing day of the year' story I heard...

First, I got a call late last night that totally bummed me out. Now basically my Chicago and Matchbox Twenty plans are down the freaking drain! I was all excited about going to the concert and hanging out with Pie... now he is not going... a job interview or something. Which leaves me potentially alone for the wknd in frigid Chicago and going to the concert by myself. (see, I got my plane ticket with my work travel...)

Second call... Sasquatch is having a really crappy time. I was out at dinner and ignored a few of his calls, and when I did get to talk to him it broke my heart that I wasnt there for him the moment he called... after I left dinner we did talk for a while but it kills me to hear him be upset... some stuff has been happening but I think today was really the last draw and he was defitinely shaken up (not that anyone other than me gets to see that side of him so its good i use my alias). I miss him so much.

In other news... i had lunch with this guy from work (let's call him Chief) and we had tons of non work things to talk about... it was really fun. Im excited about making more friends outside of the circle I have right now.

(total tangent.... Candidate interview and panel tomorrow... woohoo, i get to see the scared and nervous 'kids' trying to get an offer... i remember those days... )

Now back to your regular programming: for the first time in the last god knows how many months its Thursday night (almost Friday) and I still have no weekend plans... crazy! suggestions?

gnite, bed time...

Pree

if i were 125 yrs old i would too

Its Ohio, its ABSOLUTELY freezing outside and somehow yesterday night my power went out... just my luck really, to wake up exhausted, realize there is no electricity and have to go find the circuit breaker. Good think I knew where it was in the basement but damn... why would the circuit breaker trip over night? There was barely anything plugged in... maybe its just an old apartment thing, to fail in the middle of the night just because!

Pree

PS: Its so cold... no energy to go to work...

the irony

Its been some fairly eventful few days hence I havent written much...

Im really happy with how things are going... Im starting to feel really comfortable with a group of friends here (I think thats good news for me, but whether it is good for them is still to be determined! after all, I know I can be an annoying friend). I believe I went out every single night for the last 2 weeks, which given my work load and this God-awful weather it is quite impressive.

A good group of us went out Friday night... dinner, shopping, drinks, bar, a house party, Tropicana and finally late night (or early early morning) ihop breakfast... I got home it was 4AM! Its been a long time since Ive been out that late... but I really do like this whole 'work hard play harder' philosophy. As long, of course, as I get to vege-out in front of my fabulous tv or something like it all weekend....

Im feeling good about these friends... Pretty good Id say but of course, not all is happy and mushy, because of course it wouldnt be my life if it didnt have some crazy irony and a funky twists... basically:

Super cute guy puts his hand on my waist, turns me around, leans near my neck and says into my ear 'hey, whats your friends name'... SERIOUSLY???? SERIOUSLY DUDE???? Way to pick me up and toss me down!

Its good to have these new friends, but damn!

Pree

pay up and now bend over

After going to the a.m.a.z.i.n.g. Lunafest I decided that today was a good time to finish filling out the naturalization paperwork... After 15 pages or so, I found a few questions that sparked my attention...

Have you ever been a habitual drunkard? What how much technically qualifies as a drunkard?

Have you ever been a member of or in any way associated (either directly or indirectly) with:
the communist party? party?
any other totalitarian party? what party?
a terrorist organization? no... no party...

Have you ever advocated the overthrow of any government by force or violence? do I look like i care that much?

Have you ever persecuted any person because of race, religion etc...? If I say yes, do I still have to fill out the application or am I automatically qualified?

Now the freaky ones...
If the law requires it, are you willing to bear arms on behalf of the United States?
..., are you willing to perform noncombatant services in the US Armed Forces?
..., are you willing to perform work of national importance under civilian direction? lets just hope that the law wont require any of that stuff... Im afraid of watching violence on movies, how do u see me carrying a gun ?!?


Now its all filled out... just gotta wait til I have 700$ to apply...

Pree

Random tid-bit: From my calculations, on the last 5 years I made 8 international trips and was out of country for 150 days.

a happy old hag

Apparently Im still in celebratory mode (we won our vball game and went to grab some drinks at MLT) so this post may be a little discombobulated. I wont hold myself accountable for 'typing under influence'.... (wow my jokes are bad)

As you know (and if you dont, shame on you) yesterday was my bday and I turned 24! Yup... Pree is getting old! I was giong to post last night but was a little not in my senses, so today it is.... my birthday was great! It truly and honestly surpassed all of my expectations and I cant even begin to think how it could have been better =)

• A 11:55PM call the night before came with the fabulous surprise of a special visit in Chicago in Feb which means that ill get to see my good friend Pie AND ill be going to the Matchbox 20 concert after all
• I got great surprise goodies in the mail from my Slippers and my parents
• I talked to my sister for a like 20 min
• I got mad love in Facebook wall posts, messages, text messages, phone calls and emails
• I had delicious rum cake at work (made from scratch by one of my managers) with my whole team
• I went to happy hour at Tellers and had tons of ppl show up
• I spent 3 hours at the happy hour laughing so hard my stomach (and cheeks) hurt afterwards (and aparently, I was pretty 'affectionate' as well... you know what tequila does to me! lol)
• And last but not least... ill be going to Hocking Hills in Feb with a bunch of friends =) to celebrate with some more debauchery!

Apparently i also made some calls I wasnt aware of (or dont remember most of the convos)... according to my phone i called MRX, Sasquatch and Pie. I would usually say "frown on me for calling who I shouldnt and saying what I shouldnt have" but hey c'est la vie and no regrets on my end! They say a 'drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts' so by saying what I think Im just staying true to myself and I have no regret... I am who I am, I feel what I feel and not one inch of me feels ashamed of being me. Every inch of me is beautiful, no matter how 'out of line' it is.

But for now... bonne nuit!
Pree

happy birthday to me

Happy Birthday to me :) Off to work and then celebration happy hour...
Yay to me and yay for another amazing year!

benefit of the doubt

Someone told me recently that perhaps these ppl 'build walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down'... i tried breaking them down, i just dont think they want me in... but how do u give the ppl u (shouldnt) love the benefit of the doubt without loosing a sense of reality and self preservation?

advice welcomed.

pree

strike 1

Sometimes you have moments where the whole world stops... you hear your heart beat really loud... you feel your stomach tighten in a knot... you process the information in your head one more time and slowly you are slapped in the face with the realization that you fucked up, royally. Then you are standing on this line... you look to the right and see an option that is simple, easier and that wont give you an ulcer... you think about it and chances are noone would notice you fucked up and if they did you could probably play it off as an honest mistake.... then you reluctantly look to the left, you see the choice you should make along with all the consequences of the mistake and the feelings that come with owning up to your royal screw up... damn i hate that spot.

Today at work I made the right choice, I wont find out until tomorrow AM if the consequences will play out or not... and seriously i dont even think im allowed to feel good about making the right decision, after all it is what i should have done anyways. To look at it from a brighter side... at least my first royal screw up at work is done.

Btw.. icing on the cake, I went to figure out about my car today... almost 3000$. OUCH!
Gotta get ready for dinner... i sure hope it takes away the nasty taste i have in my mouth from this bitter day.

Pree

resigned to live

New plans.. new year... new 'life'... and a whole new look to go with it (i hope you like it).

Like I mentioned the other day, I would say my plan is to be and be without reservations - be well, be balanced, be true to myself and be the best that I can be.I've been working on a list of principles to live by to help me fulfill this life plan…

Life Plan Principles 1.0

- Follow my 'syllabus'. Success in my life is measured by me and noone else; so I gotta decide what goes towards my 'final grade', how much everything is worth and how often I grade it... I define my success, I define what makes an 'A'. No questions asked.

- Embrace the moment. Embrace and cherish the happy, the sad ,the stress, the laughther, the tears, the fervor and all emotions that life brings. I don’t want a rated G life in black and white.

- Do what is right, for me and for others, It may be hard, it may be easy, it may be clear or unclear… when in doubt ask myself ‘If I am remembered by anyone at all… and this is the only thing they will remember about me… what action/decision should I take?’

- Give people the benefit of the doubt. I may misunderstand people, or their motives may not be clear to me… but I will err on giving the benefit of the doubt. And if anything I won’t jump to conclusions… i'll ask.

- Give people (and myself) a second/third/fourth/fifth chance. Everyone makes mistakes, its what we do about them that matters most.

- Take chances. ( a few things in this category…) To have anything worth having, we have to make hard choices. To win big you need to risk big. When you say yes to something, you are not saying yes to millions of other things… sometimes its a compromise, sometimes it’s a sacrifice but know it everytime.

- Respect myself. Love me above all else and love others without restraints

- Dream big. Your only limitation is how wild your dreams are… want something and go for it. As Robert Fritz said once: "If you limit your choices to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is a compromise." One part of this is my 'bucket list' which I'll add in the next few days...

They may change... but the intent wont.

Pree