Au revoir Paris!

Tonight is my last night in Paris. Not to my surprise, it is raining and cold and ugly today... it is all too fitting. Versailles was a dissapointment which the gloomy day just made worse but Paris has been nice. The weather was quite nice these past few days. Being by myself was, as I had supected, weird but refreshing at the same time. Meals are always teh hardest but its been nice. Ive had lots of time to think about these past 8 weeks and of the many more to come once Im back. Some of the conclusions Ive made and things I discovered are still too fresh to even say "outloud"... some are just too personal. But deep inside Im still good old Pree. Maybe Ill write on my journal about it... and if I can put it in words decently I might transcribe it here.

Tomorrow, I will arrive at a new destination for the last time - London Waterloo. Its funny because I dont know how to feel about the next 5 days... I dont know if Im happy its almost done, or if Im sad. I dont know if Im anxious to leave or if Im anxious to wat is still to come. One thing I know for sure... my bank account is about to happy the spending is over - well after it is raped by London. All in all Ive spent too much money but every euro has been worth it. About how I feel... I think Im anxious. Not nervous, not scared but anxious.

You know, Ive kinda gotten used to this travelling business... wake up, get a map, walk the world - I know how priviledged I am that Ive been able to do it, and as much as it gets a little tiring church after church and painting after painting it all really is amazing!!!! So there will be a BIG change in routine... Im also anxious because as home-sick as I have been at times, I have no home to go to. Im going back to the US to a world that until now I dont begin to understand. Gainesville is obviously history. But its not just that... I dont have a place. I dont have a car. Im pretty damn broke. I dont have my bed, my clothes, my things.... which means that I will still be living off of a suitcase, searching for things( house, car, bank, DMV) and scrambling for coins everyday... I guess life wont be that different after all.

But you know... Im a bit tired of all this travelling. I sometimes have to stop myself from daydreaming about what I wish things would be like. I daydream about everything... my bed, my scents, my friends... old memories... i dream about all those things that make you feel confortable and at home... and those familiar things that you always value so much more after youve missed for a while. There are many things I wish I could have once I got back but you dont always get wat u want... didnt we all learn that many Christmases ago?

I guess ill just have to do wat I do best... pull out that old familiar thick skin, put on my narrow vision and march towards teh finish line... without stopping for anything or anyone, without turning back or letting any doubt come my way...
You know...Ive been reading this new book and a quote from it jsut seems fitting...

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven" - John Milton, Paradise Lost

Au revoir!!!
Priscila