the tide rises

but it also recedes. And with every circle today was bound to come... Today was one of "those" days, and by 'those" I mean "damn, I wish I had boyfriend" kind of days. I know it sounds crazy coming out of my mouth... well, at least I hope it does because I shouldnt want to have a boyfriend. Just last week I told myself no official boyfriends for one year. But today I did want it, and more than once...

Usually I get out of bed and sing along to the radio while I get dressed but today I was just exhausted, so instead I ate my breakfast while I watched the Weather Channel. As I stared numbly at the tv I wished I had someone to tell me to have a great day inspite of the crappy ass weather.

Work was crazy crazy crazy... there were 2 really 'high' moments, and a few shitty moments... I told my manager something I think I shouldnt have. I just wanted to get it off my chest, and she was the only 'trustworthy' person around. I wish I could have called someone just to vent for 2 minutes... I guess I could have called Sasquatsch but our relationship has been different lately, he has been so busy for me and I didnt feel comfortable.

When I got home from work I was just so tired, so drained, and so needy... I took off my work clothes and lay down in bed in hopes of making it all better but my bed just seemed too big, it felt too empty and then I wished I could have snuggled with someone who made it feel a little better.

Once dinner time came around, I managed to burn the leftover rice... other than dealing with the extra cleaning and the burnt smell, I ended up having to make a new batch... so now I have tons of rice... a whole new pot just for me, one person...

I know it sounds like a crappy day but after I showered, somehow I felt totally rejuvenated. I was in a good mood, I felt beautiful, I wasnt bothered by any of those things anymore... but sometimes along with my great mood comes this crazy desire to be wanted. And even though I did get some attention from boys on the phone, it just wasnt the same. Conversations with these boys are so shallow... I feel I have to be Ms. Bubbly instead of just me... and above all, I wanted to be touched, to close my eyes and exhale and just enjoy the soft touches on my skin.

But nope! I just dont get to get that. You cant have the best of both worlds... and now it doesnt even matter anyways bcuz the day is finally done... and tomorrow I shouldnt feel this way anymore. These days only come from time to time... and Im glad its now bed time.

Pree