Words and their emptiness

An excerpt from new audiobook I am listening to "A New Earth". Worth some deep contemplation.

"Words, no matter whether they are vocalized and made into sounds or remain unspoken as thoughts, can cast an almost hypnotic spell upon you. You easily lose yourself in them, become hypnotized into implicitly believing that when you have a word to something, you know what it is. The fact is: You don't know what it is. You have only covered up the mystery with a label. Everything, a bird, a tree, even a simple stone, and certainly a human being, is ultimately unknowable. This is because it has unfathomable depth. All we can perceive, experience, think about, is the surface layer of reality, less than the tip of an iceberg.

"The quicker you are in attaching verbal or mental labels to things, people, or situations, the more shallow and lifeless your reality becomes, and the more deadened you become to reality, the miracle of life that continuously unfolds within and around you. [...] Of course we have to use words and thoughts. THey have their own beauty - but do we need to become imprisoned in them? Words reduce reality to something the human mind can gras, which isn't very much. Language consists of five basic sounds produced byu the vocal cords [...]. Do you believe some combination of such basic sounds could ever explain who you are, or the ultimate purpose of the universe?" -Eckhart Tolle

After hearing this I had to pause the CD and really think about its meaning. It seems that writting about it is contradictory to the message so I will keep it short.

How limiting it is to describe ourselves with words... can words ever define who we are? and just by using words, are we limiting our real selves? Yes, it sounds a little esoteric but think about it... when we say we are happy or sad or hurt or disappointed.. are we really? or do we create those feelings within us by simply defining our emotions with those words?

If this is true, it really is mind opening how limiting words can be, and what a prison they can create.

pree

Some wisdom by Jodi Piccoult in 'Handle With Care'

I've been reading a LOT lately. And in all my books I have been finding little pieces of wisdon... be them encouragement, be them a challenge, a laughter or just something to think about. I decided from now on I will capture some of those words in my blog. As a way to remind myself of the many lessons I learn as I devour book after book...

Quotations from Jodi Picoult's Handle With Care which I just read a couple of months ago, and also a few other books I read by Jodi...

* "Fault lines. These are the places where the earth breaks apart. These are the spots where earthquakes originate, where volcanos are born. Or in other words: the world is crumbling under us; it's the solid ground beneath our feet that's an illusion" (Handle with Care)

* "You put someone up on a pedestal, and all of a sudden, from that perspective, you notice what's wrong (...). You spend all your time and energy making it right, and all the while, you are falling apart yourself. you dont even realize what you look like, how far you've deteriotated, because you only have eyes for someone else" pg. 411

* "It was possible that a miracle wasn't something that happened to you, but rather, something that didn't"

"It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it." (Vanishing Acts)

* "You make yourself strong because it's expected of you. You become confident because someone beside you is unsure. You turn into the person others need you to be. "(Vanishing Acts)

* "Change is a funny thing. We never are quite sure what we are becoming or even why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got that way. Only one thing about change remains constant...it is always painful"

*"Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall." / "The damage was permanent; there would always be scars. But even the angriest scars faded over time until it was difficult to see them written on the skin at all, and the only thing that remained was the memory of how painful it had been."

"Words are like nets - we hope they'll cover what we mean, but we know they can't possibly hold that much joy, or grief, or wonder." (Change of Heart)

"It is the things you cannot see coming that are strong enough to kill you. " (My Sister's Keeper)

night-night
pree

watchout wat you pray for

As in most mornings after a fun night out, all I wanted was to stay in a vegetative state in bed but today I made myself get up and I go to church. Just walking in made me feel different. The moment the mass began with the music and everyone singing in unison, my eyes were flodded with tears. 'God, I missed you'. The whole mass was a wonderful experience. I felt nourished! For the first time in a long time I felt my cup was being filled. Its hard to explain the way I felt, the things I realized, but since I can't really explain it, I wont try.

However I had a revelation that shocked me. During communion I prayed and in my conversation with God, he reminded me of a prayer I made a year ago - which he has now fulfilled.
Like always, my relationship with God goes in ups and downs. Im absent and then Im present. And last time I was present I turned to God and with my heart asked him to help. The memory was so vivid in my mind today...
"Lord, time and time again I fall away from you. Time and time again I come back and you welcome me back. I dont want to loose you again Lord. I want to stay close to you because you are what is true, you are what is real. So Lord, if I fall away from you again, shake my world, take whatever you need to, bring me crashing down - if thats what it takes to bring me back to you Lord. Dont let me let you go again please"
And here I am... praying at night again, going to church again, begging Him to stay with me day and night... why do I have to loose so much to remember what matters? Why did I ask for this? and why am I not thrilled with how He answered my prayer? It was what I asked for... Now Im going to ask His help on me learning my lesson for good.

Pree

some days are like this

Joshua Radin

Wait right here, Was all she said to me
And so right here I stay
Time has reached our home, And I've been left alone
It's carried her away

And everyone keeps saying
Nothing helps but time
Time is all I own
The time won't stop replaying over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it
‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days

Now a year has passed
Alone I stay inside
And I await the rain
To wash away your face
So I don’t have to hide
The sight of you is painful

hates and buts

im getting better but im still hollow inside.
im getting better but i still wake up every morning and check whether im feelings devastated, sad or just ok. Then its just a matter of time until I rotate through the feelings during the day.
im getting better but i still have moments where i blame me for your mistakes.
im getting better but i will never piece myself the same way again.
im getting better but i am afraid to tell you because you may or will just walk away for good.

i hate you can impact me like this. That I let you still have this power over me. I hate that I cant decide if I want to get over you or not. i hate what you've done and what you are doing.
i hate it when i hear you talk yourself out of loving me.

i hate that i would take you back in a heartbeat if you were willing to try and make it work.

i still love you. i dont know if i hate that today.