men and women needs

I was thinking about my post last night and found some information I thought was quite interesting. Here is an exerpt, the full link to article is at the bottom.

Willard F. Harley, in his popular book His Needs, Her Needs, has given us a great tool to do just that. He identifies the ten most important martial needs of men and women. You may or may not agree with all of them, but they can serve as a good discussion starter:

She needs affection (I agree!) - It symbolizes security, protection, comfort, and approval. A hug expresses affection. For the typical wife, there can hardly be enough of them.


He needs sexual fulfillment (I agree!) - Just as women crave affection, so to do men want sex. And they don't just want their wives to make their bodies available. They need to feel their wife is as invested in sex as they are.


She needs conversation (totally agree) - Not just talk about her husband's problems or achievements, but about her problems and her hopes. She needs quality conversation on a daily basis.


He needs recreational companionship (not so sure...)- After sex, the need for recreation rates highest for men. He needs time spent in a mutually satisfying activity - whether it is sports, shopping, cooking, painting, etc.


She needs honesty and openness (absolutely yes)- Mistrust destroys a woman's marital security. If a husband does not keep up honest communication with his wife, he eventually undermines her trust and destroys any hope of security.


He needs an attractive spouse (ok)- A man does not need a supermodel for a wife, but he wants her to make an effort to be attractive to him. He wants her to dress in clothes he likes and do her hair in a style that is appealing to him.


She needs financial support (nope)- A husband's failure to provide sufficient income sends shudders through the underpinnings of a marriage. A woman needs to know that her husband is taking care of their family's needs and their future.


He needs domestic support (yeah)- Old-fashioned or not, most men fantasize about a loving, pleasant home where few hassles occur and life runs smoothly.


She needs family commitment (of course)- Wives want their husbands to take a strong role in the marriage and express how important it is to them. They need to see evidence of a strong commitment to family life that is not overshadowed by work or anything else.


He needs admiration (i need to work on this)- Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men. When a woman tells her husband (who has been sweating it out at work) that she thinks he's wonderful, it inspires him and keeps him going.


http://crosswalk.com/community/singles/1206130.html

can life be a fairy tale?

a weird question popped into my head today: Can I be saved? Could I be a damsel in distress? Would a knight in shinning armor rescue me? I dont ask this literaly of course but I wonder... can I be in a situation of predicament that would require a hero to dash and rescue me?

I've tried for a long time to be independent; to be strong; to not depend on others. I dont want to be presumptious and say I am self-sufficient (although sometimes I mistakenly try). But I am starting to wonder if I do need to be more "helpless"?!?! For a relationship to work, do I need to to make him feel needed? Does he have to be given the opportunity to rescue me? I am thinking through all my relationships and I think that it is true. As I look through 'literature', research does seem to confirm men need to feel needed.

While I think about making others feel more needed I wonder... is it that my needy-ness isn't the kind they need? or is it that I am truly not in-need of them?

Is it a question of finding the right balance? Or finding a different person? It seems that making them feel needed it No 1. But how do I get that? I feel I am quite needy as is... just on things that are less tangible to men.

If only there was a dragon... I would know much more clearly where and how to make myself vulnerable and wait for rescuing.

oh life, why are some things so complicated....
pree

fast forward life a little bit, please?

Today I talked to a good friend from a while ago. Although our conversation was short, I thought it summarized well how things are going...

friend: 'So how are you doing with everything?'
me: 'ok'
friend: 'just ok. how can I help?'
me: 'I just need 5 months to pass by. Can you do that?'
friend: '5 months? why is that?'
me: 'because in 5 months I'll be here for 6 months. And at that point I will have a clue whats going on at work, I will be done unpacking my boxes, i will have fixed my place, i will have gotten into a good routine with school, I will have met people and made friends, and my love life will either be fixed or be old history. So yes, I'd love to fast forward the next 5 months'.
friend: 'i will mark that on my calendar and see how you are doing then'


Dont get me wrong, things are not THAT bad. But we all know how I am with my expectations being too high.. i just need to take a chill, go with the flow and let life be. My friend went on to say something I thought was very 'suiting'... "this move is a good thing for you. Its like when you sit on a chair for a long time and you get your butt numb. When you finally get up you feel so weird, the numbness was easier. But then your butt gets better again."

so apparently im a butt. that kinda makes me smile =)
that was a good way to wrap a pretty decent day

pree

ps: had happy hour today to celebrate my promotion. it was cool!

all scattered tonight

just got home from the bars... and its before midnight. I truly am a loser!

decided to finally check in and give a quick update. Life is good. Definitely not great, but good - acceptable. The new place still isnt completely put together yet, work is going ok, school is alright, still havent made a lot of friendship connections. Im considering a community choir.

Now on the rest...maybe its the hormones that have been rushing through me lately, but Ive been quite puzzled about life lately. I'm having doubts about this 'nomadic' lifestyle, about whether I should be in a relationship at all, wondering why i let myself get 20 lbs over my desired weight, why I havent made really close friends since college and a bunch more....

Forgot to mention.. I got promoted :o) I think my new manager was 'upset' that I wasnt super excited about it. I think she is still learning me.. but all in all Im excited about it. I kinda celebrated when I got this job since I saw it as a promotion "as it was". Anyways, now its official.

sorry it was all so scattered....
nighty-night

pree