Facebook I love thee

Apparently somebody is having mood swings today.... sorry for the bitching earlier today. I was being cranky and just ranting... I will jsut keep this short so it wont get out of control. Its a happy one too :o)
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Because I moved schools/cities/countries a few times, Ive rarely kept in touch with people. Lately I got back in touch with a friend from High School and that was an accomplishment for me. BUT today I checked facebook and ta-dah! I get a message and a friend invite from someone I went to middle school with, someone who I last spoke to 9 years ago, when I lived in Paraguay!

This 'encounter' got me really excited about 'hunting' for friends from before; more people whose faces were still engraved in my head but who I havent heard of in 9 years. After putting my best stalking skills to the test, I found (and in one way or another messaged) about 5 of them.

They are all grown up now... but their pictures are a dead give-away that they are the same people. They all seem to have made great things out of the last 9 years. Some of them even live in the US now! One of them messaged me back with a long email; she invited me to visit in Boston. Im gonna message her back, and may take her up on it sometime.

Yay for finding old friends again! (and yay for current friends too!!!)

Pree

Beware of TOM

I am feeling uneasy today... Cant put my finger on it, but it may be that the weather sucks AGAIN; or that Im not saving money or loosing weight; or that some of my friends have really pushed my buttons on wrong Time Of the Month...

Friend 1: You said you wouldnt put it past me to do something that could ruin your 'possible new' relationship. Really!? really!? I joke around that I wanna get into bed with you, but rest assured its a JOKE... Im glad to know how little you think of me... you are supposed to know me; but apparently you dont. This is the second time Ive ever been mad at you, you hurt me a lot.

Friend 2: STOP TALKING ABOUT WORK! I never see you, and when I do you talk about work, work, work. You gotta have more to your life than that! Im starting to think there is nothing to you... because other than work Im not sure what else we could talk about!

Friend 3: You say you wanna 'take care of me'; dont you see its not your place to do that? you say you want us to be closer and hang out more often; everytime you ask to I hang out with you, even though at times we end up fighting. You complain that I have other friends and that you arent a huge/exclusive part of my life; if u dont want to hang out in a group fine/np but say-so before, you are not my end-all be-all. Dont you get it? You made your bed, now lye in it. Sex or no sex, you dont get to have a pseudo in me. Maybe its not ur intention, but im not willing to find out. Maybe you mistake my kindness for stupidity but be certain that you dont get another chance to hurt me. Just be happy that somebody cares about you as deeply as I do. Dont fuck it up a.g.a.i.n.

Friend 4: I DONT LIKE YOU. Ive tried every trick and every tactic to tell you without being completely and utterly rude. BACK OFF!!

Friend 5: You never plan anything, and when I or others do you decide to join. Thats fine. But dont you dare come and complain; dont you dare tell me that this isnt what you wanted/were hoping. If you dont want to hang out with me, or go to where I suggest we go, then either plan something yourself, dont f...ing come or SHUT THE F UP!

Being angry at all of them just makes me angry at myself. Angry for caring and for thinking that whatever they said/did was a one time thing.

Pree

shoot em up or bourbon

tonight is a lunar eclipse, and i missed it. Largely because its too cold to step outside... but partially because I am so stuffed! I made fabulous dinner and we ate and watched some ridiculous movie "Shoot Em Up". God awful!! So ridiculous it was hillarious.... but then again, with a name like that what else could we expect.

Not thankfully this wasnt the highlight of my week this far (although it was nice). This past weekend I went with some friends to check out the Bourbon Trail - very neat stuff. It is only about a 2 hour drive from Cinci and we visit a few distillerys. Great stuff! Woodford Reserve was my favorite because of the high quality, small scale production they have. Very neat! But Makers Mark was a little more 'main stream' where they let us stick our fingers in the yeast and barley and taste it!! I know it all gets fermented, and filtered here and there and eventually turns to alcohol so my fingers wont make that much of a difference... but they probably have about 8 tours per day with about 15-20 people each. Thats a LOT of dirty fingers and now just makes me think of bourbon in a bit of a different light. But its alright, bcuz Im not a HUGE fan anyways.

After we visited the distillery's we stayed the night at a B&B in Louisville and WOW, WOW... left me speechless. I'll post some pics on it. It was the most beautiful, museum-looking place Ive ever been in... it did come with its challenges, such as a bathroom in the room without a door. Usually not a problem, as long as you are not sharing a room with a guy... yeah! that made it tricky!! And no shower head; just a tub with a spout. Beautiful place thought :) Pictures to come soon.



Pree

fat ass

I saw a man today.
He had a Slim Fast can in his hand.
He walked into a Starbucks while I was waiting for my coffee in the car.
He finished the can and threw it away as he walked into the store.
I figured he must have tons of control to drink nasty Slim Fast while working at yummy Starbucks.
A few minutes passed...
The man walked out of the store; with a VENTI on his hand!!!

What was the point of the Slim Fast? Was that your appetizer?

home is where?

You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home any more. All of a sudden, even though you have some place where you put your shit that idea of home is gone. You'll see one day when you move out. Just sorta happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know.

Garden State

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Home. Should be a simple concept – too bad it isnt. Home is where the heart is; but what if your heart is nowhere? Home sweet home; I hope for that, but what if I don’t know where that is? Home alone seems to be the best phrase to describe my ‘really, really’ today.

Yes, home can be a brick building with windows and a yellow door. But home can be that smell of home cooked meal, it can be that warm spot on the couch under a soft blankie, it can be the sound of a familiar voice or resting your head on someone’s chest. Just the thought of these previous sentences make me want to cry… because as much as these things could feel like home, they don’t. They are thoughts and images that I feed myself to try and ease the discomfort.

So silly of me I know. But see, for years ive been so homesick. Time and time again I find myself longing for something.. maybe something familiar, maybe a place, or a person/people… so many times ive cried bcuz no matter how many ppl are on my cellphone list, or how many friends I have on facebook… sooner or later it catches up with me again, I start feeling lonely and homesick.

I don’t know what it is that I long for… but I do, with every inch of me. Its this ache in my chest, it’s a hollowness I feel, where I just curl up into a ball under the covers and cry in an attempt of shedding all the loneliness and emptiness I feel. But of course you never see that! I work so hard to smile, to be positive, to be outgoing and light-hearted… I build this big front and only let a few people see how sadness takes over at the most opportune times.

I got asked today – told actually – that I don’t know what its like to be home sick, that I easily create a community, that here I am in a new city and have a close group of friends already. It seems that my front is working after all…

My friend who asked me about this is going through this too… and I'm so sorry… because I know there is nothing I can do to make it better. I told her to try making new friends, signing up for activities where she can meet new people, to remember I'm always a phone call away… I realized that these are things I do. These are things I get myself busy with… so that maybe I can not only fool others but I can start fooling myself.

Im slowly starting to realize that I build a world of lies for me… that its much easier to fool myself than it is to change the world. Fake it til you make it. As long as you make it before you break…

What breaks my heart isn’t so much that I believe thousands of people are out there homesick and feeling this void just like I am… the worse part is that I don’t know if we can be ‘home’ to each other at all…

Whether I have one or not, I just want to be home…

Pree

yay for fridays

( I had this long and relatively humorous post but my browser crashed and I had to start from scratch... AHHHH!!!... so this post is just a quick recap without all the fun and spunk)

Im so happy its Friday!

This week was training week at work which means that I got to spend everyday with my class (YAY!) but work didnt stop so I had to work at night and have tons of stuff to do this wknd.... on a happier note, I got my car back (looks gorgeous!), got back into going to the gym, went to dinner at this new place 'Nada' (an upscale mexican restaurant/bar) and went to Tropicana for Salsa night yesterday til past 2AM! Other stuff happened this week, but that iwll have to wait for another day.

Alright.. its nap time! There is no way I'll be able to hold myself together tonight if I dont take on a vegetative state for a few hours =o)

Got figure out plans but Im stocked about the weekend!

pree

work hard, play harder

I went to bed Thursday night in the middle of a terrible storm in Chicago... I was sure the weekend was going to be good but also dreary and cold - not that special. It is now Sunday afternoon, Im sitting at O'Hare and I coming to realize that I couldnt have been more wrong. The last 56 hours have been nothing but spectacular!

I spent the whole time with one of my old friends from high school (lets call her Money, bcuz she is bound to make tons of it). We had an amazing time all weekend. We shopped (yay for new earrings!), we slept, we 'rocked' at the Matchbox Twenty (and Alanis Morissette) concert, we ate great food, we shopped for condos and lofts to buy... and if it wasnt enough, the cherry on top... Money insisted we went out last night to a place called Martini Park and it was G R E A T ! To make a great and long (but not long enough) story short, it can basically be summed up to 'Wow! Wow!' or 'Damn, I wish I lived in Chicago'. Even Money was surprised at how great this guy was... and she tends to disaprove of anyone I pick... I have this silly smile on my face today... you know THAT smile that you get the morning after, the one that ppl look at you and just wish they were smiling half as much as you are, the one that says 'im lost in my memories and i dont want to get back'... I have THAT smile but honestly not THAT much happened, but what did was great.

Now off to fly home, drink lots of liquids... and maybe go to a Super Bowl party.
Ive been thinking, and I think Ive been making really good use of my weekends :o) Can barely wait for next Friday!

pree